K
kay-jay
the wal-mart freakshow. some crazy weirdo's doing shopping
https://www.************/peoplewalmart/photos_stream
https://www.************/peoplewalmart/photos_stream
Welcome to the forum. Although you can post in any forum, the USA forum is here in case of local regs or laws
Discuss a monday pick me up contains adult humour in the Plumbing Jobs | The Job-board area at Plumbers Forums
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K
kay-jay
ha ha tourist board promo video from scotland
female jakey in bernard street leith edinburgh - YouTube
female jakey in bernard street leith edinburgh - YouTube
P
PlumbBobBob
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."
D
Dotty
D
Dotty
- Messages
- 5,481
Its the French revolution and guillotine executions are rife..aScotsman is wheeled on and as a last request asks that he is placed looking p at the blade ...the blade drops and the crowd roars the blade stops 2 feet above his head sacre bleu its a sign that we must free him ....next up is an Englishman who asks the same request and again 2 feet from his head the blade stops again he is freed .....next up is an Irishman who again asks to look at the blade before he meets his maker....swoosh the blade drops and again the crowd gasps and as he is freed he says you will never behead another person on that guillotine ...why he is asked by the executioner ....because ther is a large nail sticking sticking out on the inside of the blade guide...lol regards Turnpin:whatchutalkingabout
M
Masood
D
Dotty
Now I know why short men are so happy...
There's always a smile on my face!
D
Dotty
A gay man on a midnight stroll came across a passed out tramp. He pulled down the bums trousers and shagged him up the arse. He felt guilty about taking advantage of tramp so he left £5 in his shirt pocket. The tramp woke up, found the £5, and bought a cheap bottle of wine.
The next night the same guy found the same tramp passed out so he shagged him again. This time he felt so bad about it he left the tramp £20.
The tramp woke up, found the £20 and went to the offie. He told the clerk he wanted a bottle of the best wine he could get for £20.
The clerk said "you can get four £5 bottles of wine for that."
"Hell no," The tramp replied, "I tried the cheap wine and it tore my arse to shreds!"
The next night the same guy found the same tramp passed out so he shagged him again. This time he felt so bad about it he left the tramp £20.
The tramp woke up, found the £20 and went to the offie. He told the clerk he wanted a bottle of the best wine he could get for £20.
The clerk said "you can get four £5 bottles of wine for that."
"Hell no," The tramp replied, "I tried the cheap wine and it tore my arse to shreds!"
T
TomLane
Just wrote a thank you letter to British Gas.
With their price increases, looks like I am getting my inheritence quicker than I thought.
With their price increases, looks like I am getting my inheritence quicker than I thought.
L
lame plumber
K
kay-jay
THE WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.' I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.' I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
D
Dotty
A truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge, so he stops. "What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm trying to commit suicide." the girl replies, "and I don't want you to talk me out of it."
"Ah well," shrugged the truck driver. "But before you jump, can you at least give me a blowjob?"
So she does.
After she's finished, the truck driver says, "Wow, thats a wasted talent why are you committing suicide?"
"Because my parents don't like me dressing up as a ****ing girl!!"
"I'm trying to commit suicide." the girl replies, "and I don't want you to talk me out of it."
"Ah well," shrugged the truck driver. "But before you jump, can you at least give me a blowjob?"
So she does.
After she's finished, the truck driver says, "Wow, thats a wasted talent why are you committing suicide?"
"Because my parents don't like me dressing up as a ****ing girl!!"
D
Dotty
Zeb walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of jagermeister.
"6 shots?!?" the bartender says "are you celebrating something?"
"yeah, my first blowjob." Zeb says
"well in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house," says the bartender
"no offense, mate" Zeb replies "but if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste nothing will."
"6 shots?!?" the bartender says "are you celebrating something?"
"yeah, my first blowjob." Zeb says
"well in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house," says the bartender
"no offense, mate" Zeb replies "but if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste nothing will."
D
Dotty
Randy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddies. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Randy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Randy woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.
She said, ‘You were drunk again last night, weren’t you?’
Randy said, ‘Why would you say such a mean thing?’
‘Well,’ Kathleen said, ‘it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ……. it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.'
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Randy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Randy woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.
She said, ‘You were drunk again last night, weren’t you?’
Randy said, ‘Why would you say such a mean thing?’
‘Well,’ Kathleen said, ‘it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ……. it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.'
- Messages
- 5,481
A fella with a big reputation to shag anything with a pulse gets a job at the Zoo when the head keeper finds out he says would he shag the female gorrila for £5000 as her mate had died a few months earlier ...he replied yes but there were 3 conditions 1.no way could his family find out 2. no kissing to be involved and 3. could he have a couple of weeks to get the money together.....regards Turnpin:lol:
J
julesverne
.........
- Messages
- 10,602
"Have you ever seen twenty pounds all crumpled up?"...the woman asked her husband.
"No"...said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her
blouse...and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra...and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.
He took the crumpled twenty pound note from her ...and smiled approvingly.
"Have you ever seen fifty pounds all crumpled up?"... she then asked her husband?
"No ..no, I haven't" ...he said (with an anxious tone in his voice).
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer knickers... and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.
He took the crumpled fifty pound note... and started breathing a littlequicker with anticipation.
"Now" ...she said. "Have you ever seen £10,000 all crumpled up?"
"No, never" ...he said (while obviously becoming even more aroused... and excited).
"Well, go and look in the garage!"...she said.
"No"...said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her
blouse...and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra...and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.
He took the crumpled twenty pound note from her ...and smiled approvingly.
"Have you ever seen fifty pounds all crumpled up?"... she then asked her husband?
"No ..no, I haven't" ...he said (with an anxious tone in his voice).
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer knickers... and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.
He took the crumpled fifty pound note... and started breathing a littlequicker with anticipation.
"Now" ...she said. "Have you ever seen £10,000 all crumpled up?"
"No, never" ...he said (while obviously becoming even more aroused... and excited).
"Well, go and look in the garage!"...she said.
M
mountainman
D
Dotty
Rugby for dummies.......
[video=youtube;QLumeYtBm5M]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLumeYtBm5M[/video]
[video=youtube;QLumeYtBm5M]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLumeYtBm5M[/video]
P
PlumbBobBob
is that to compensate us for not getting any pictures of the hen doo?
D
Dotty
There's a bit of a Mea Culpa there......
D
Dotty
P
PlumbBobBob
number 14 is just plain wrong
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