I want to start a cheese mining company where do i start?

[Ray Stafford]

Bloody hell Ray, why the serious question?

What serious question?

 

[Keefy]

What serious question?

LOL okay then, tough question?

 

[Ray Stafford]

I just want to make sure that my human right to re-train as a cheese miner would not be infringed if I happened to be lactose-intolerant.

 

[Ray Stafford]

If you will start a silly thread...

 

[Keefy]

If you will start a silly thread...

Hey, some people thought Einstein was stupid.

 

[Ray Stafford]

Hey, some people thought Einstein was stupid.

Yeah, until he discovered cheddar gorge. That shut the critics up.

 

[Keefy]

Someone please lock this thread, it's even doing my head in now. :crazy:

 

[nickelarsed]

Yeah, until he discovered cheddar gorge. That shut the critics up.

I thought he came up with cheese string theory....

yes my coat is already on

 

[peteheat]

I just want to make sure that my human right to re-train as a cheese miner would not be infringed if I happened to be lactose-intolerant.

Ray please read the full post, nickelarsed stated quite clearly :

All you need to do is transfer two thousand pounds into our bank as a deposit and we can start your distance cheese mining course staright away. Learn the secrets of cheese and change your life forever.

They obviously do not discriminate or prevent anyone from earning 50 > £70,000 per year.

Just pay up the £2,000

BTW obviously not a con, I was allowed to pay using Pay Pal !
​

 

[plumber0808]

WTF !!!!
someone posts about wanting to become a cheese farmer or something and everyone chips in "oh yeh grades, smells, rockets, safe"
WTF!

 

[plumber0808]

It's cathedral for me, when I'm feeling it its Boursin

 

[REDSAW]

could be the next best thing..i see the price is up per barrel........

[DLMURL="http://cheesemine.com/"]The Great Cheese Mine - Home[/DLMURL]

research tells me;

Cheese Mining is an ancient and widespread practice that dates back to when it first started. Cheese mines are dotted all over the world, such as the common Cheddar mines, the Dutch Edam and French Brie mines, and the (until recently, very common) East European anti-personnel mines.
Cheese ore is generated when milk from leaky cows seeps down into the deeper rock strata and collects in pools. Over millennia, this milk is squeezed until it is converted into a solid rocklike form which is utterly unlike granite.
Cheese ore is mined by a similar process to that used for metals and coal, and was first carried out in the early Plastocene age by specially trained rodents, hence the modern day association between cheese and mice.
Once brought to the surface, the ore is ground down into a powdered form and mixed with sufficient fresh milk to hydrate it, forming a thick paste. This paste is hammered into blocks using the traditional cheese mallet and cheese board (precursors to the iron age hammer and anvil - interestingly, cave-art from the late plastocene age shows animals being hit by falling cheese boards), typically into a rectangular or cylindrical shape.
The cheese is then left in a damp room to slowly dry out - traditionally, caves have been used for this purpose. Use of a really dank cave can instill in the cheese the rich, full, moldy flavour that cheese connoisseurs love.
If cheese is dried too quickly, it can develop a crumbly texture. Similarly, if it is dried too slowly, it can become runny or soft. Cunning techniques have allowed some cheeses to develop a tough skin around a soft or runny interior.
In some regions of the world, high mineral content can result in the release of gases as the cheese dries, which collect into bubbles, leaving holes through the cheese.
Some cheeses are most interesting because as they dry, they sweat out a kind of red wax, which covers the outside of the cheese and gives an excellent surface on which to stick the label.
These things all combine to produce a marvelous range of cheeses. Other cheese varieties have been discovered or invented over the centuries of its use. For example, with the introduction of the refrigerator, it suddenly became possible to grow all kinds of new and exciting molds on the surface of your cheese, and research into this phenomena produced new flavours of cheese, including blue vein, which contains injected streaks of living fungus to add flavour. Those who survive the eating say it really is quite nice, if you enjoy eating mold.
In modern times, new technology has emerged which allows a new cheese product to be manufactured. Called "processed cheese," it is often sold in packs of slices, where each slice is individually wrapped in a plastic sheath. Just why this is necessary is unknown, as a slice of processed cheese is the nearest thing to a sheet of shiny yellow plastic as scientists have been able to produce, except that it is biodegradable. In fact, not only does processed cheese look like, feel like, and taste like a sheet of soft plastic, many fast food chains now insert slices of the stuff between the buns in a hamburger, in order to stop the buns from sticking together. This new "non-stick" hamburger is called a cheeseburger, after the substance which made it possible. Of course, it costs more than a regular burger, but the benefits of non-stick buns are well worth it. Don't be surprised if you see adverts for the new non-stick frying pan with a miracle coating of processed cheese.
'O' shaped cheeses were also used for a time on ships as a cheap form of lifebelt, until it was discovered that cheese does not float.
Before the discovery of penicillin, moldy cheese was used as a cure-all. It was the "miracle drug" of pre-penicillin days, and would cure almost anything except for moldy cheese poisoning, which was usually fatal.
An odd side effect of this protection from illness was the ancient belief that cheese protected ones soul. Many ancient cultures wore cheese bracelets and necklaces to guard against evil spirits, which may not have affected the spirits much, but sure helped repulse any invaders with olfactory organs.
To this day, the name "cheese" is invoked immediately prior to having a photo taken, so as to guard against the trapping of the subject's soul.

 

[Keefy]

And you all thought I was mad eh? Apologies in writing accepted.

 

[tamz]

Luckily i noticed this thread before i retired for the night as i may have a proposition for you.
A few years ago i purchased a bit of the moon (a few acres i think) from a guy called the Big Cheese. Obviously for tax reasons i put it in the good ladies name who upon me giving her the title deeds, became immediately suspicious. She said her mam had always said beware of any man who promises you the moon and was now confused because i had given it her.
I'll miss out all the gratuities that followed that event for (decency reasons) but i think i (she) might have the cheese mining rights.
If you can find the way there i'm sure we could come to some mutual arrangement on sharing the spoils.
Btw if you look on a full moon, about halfway between the centre and the 10 o'clock position, that is mine (hers) ! Whats mine is mine and whats hers is mined :smile:

 

[tamz]

Cheese is mined ?!? :blush2:

Of course. Strange things happen in other worlds!
[video=youtube;HArUmqqiL0s]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HArUmqqiL0s[/video]

 

[peteheat]

could be the next best thing..i see the price is up per barrel........

[DLMURL="http://cheesemine.com/"]The Great Cheese Mine - Home[/DLMURL]

research tells me;

Cheese Mining is an ancient and widespread practice that dates back to when it first started. Cheese mines are dotted all over the world, such as the common Cheddar mines, the Dutch Edam and French Brie mines, and the (until recently, very common) East European anti-personnel mines.
Cheese ore is generated when milk from leaky cows seeps down into the deeper rock strata and collects in pools. Over millennia, this milk is squeezed until it is converted into a solid rocklike form which is utterly unlike granite.
Cheese ore is mined by a similar process to that used for metals and coal, and was first carried out in the early Plastocene age by specially trained rodents, hence the modern day association between cheese and mice.
Once brought to the surface, the ore is ground down into a powdered form and mixed with sufficient fresh milk to hydrate it, forming a thick paste. This paste is hammered into blocks using the traditional cheese mallet and cheese board (precursors to the iron age hammer and anvil - interestingly, cave-art from the late plastocene age shows animals being hit by falling cheese boards), typically into a rectangular or cylindrical shape.
The cheese is then left in a damp room to slowly dry out - traditionally, caves have been used for this purpose. Use of a really dank cave can instill in the cheese the rich, full, moldy flavour that cheese connoisseurs love.
If cheese is dried too quickly, it can develop a crumbly texture. Similarly, if it is dried too slowly, it can become runny or soft. Cunning techniques have allowed some cheeses to develop a tough skin around a soft or runny interior.
In some regions of the world, high mineral content can result in the release of gases as the cheese dries, which collect into bubbles, leaving holes through the cheese.
Some cheeses are most interesting because as they dry, they sweat out a kind of red wax, which covers the outside of the cheese and gives an excellent surface on which to stick the label.
These things all combine to produce a marvelous range of cheeses. Other cheese varieties have been discovered or invented over the centuries of its use. For example, with the introduction of the refrigerator, it suddenly became possible to grow all kinds of new and exciting molds on the surface of your cheese, and research into this phenomena produced new flavours of cheese, including blue vein, which contains injected streaks of living fungus to add flavour. Those who survive the eating say it really is quite nice, if you enjoy eating mold.
In modern times, new technology has emerged which allows a new cheese product to be manufactured. Called "processed cheese," it is often sold in packs of slices, where each slice is individually wrapped in a plastic sheath. Just why this is necessary is unknown, as a slice of processed cheese is the nearest thing to a sheet of shiny yellow plastic as scientists have been able to produce, except that it is biodegradable. In fact, not only does processed cheese look like, feel like, and taste like a sheet of soft plastic, many fast food chains now insert slices of the stuff between the buns in a hamburger, in order to stop the buns from sticking together. This new "non-stick" hamburger is called a cheeseburger, after the substance which made it possible. Of course, it costs more than a regular burger, but the benefits of non-stick buns are well worth it. Don't be surprised if you see adverts for the new non-stick frying pan with a miracle coating of processed cheese.
'O' shaped cheeses were also used for a time on ships as a cheap form of lifebelt, until it was discovered that cheese does not float.
Before the discovery of penicillin, moldy cheese was used as a cure-all. It was the "miracle drug" of pre-penicillin days, and would cure almost anything except for moldy cheese poisoning, which was usually fatal.
An odd side effect of this protection from illness was the ancient belief that cheese protected ones soul. Many ancient cultures wore cheese bracelets and necklaces to guard against evil spirits, which may not have affected the spirits much, but sure helped repulse any invaders with olfactory organs.
To this day, the name "cheese" is invoked immediately prior to having a photo taken, so as to guard against the trapping of the subject's soul.

Redsaw, if that is your work you certainly missed your true calling.

Very entertaining

 

[Centralheatking]

SQUBE is ideal for lactose intolerant people

What if I'm lactose intolerant?

 

[Centralheatking]

That is the best lala reply I have ever read - i know a publisher who likes cheese, marmite and could make it go viral -

Redsaw, if that is your work you certainly missed your true calling.

Very entertaining

 

[Centralheatking]

Keefy ---- this is the funniest lala thing i have ever read and it goes on.

My best mate runs an independant bookshop and is a small publisher an is captivated by this
traffic. now can you capture all the emails we have done - i dont know how to do
that and then we could send it to John and see what he can do with it


Rob

 

[Centralheatking]

AS you can see I love your cheese mine - but what made you start it ? - ve no idea where to start can anyone help me?

I've done my research and found that 90% of the moon is made of cheese and would like to know if I need any qualifications to fly a space shuttle there.

If you're not going to help then don't post in my tread.

​

[/QUOTE]

 

[Keefy]

Keefy ---- this is the funniest lala thing i have ever read and it goes on.

My best mate runs an independant bookshop and is a small publisher an is captivated by this
traffic. now can you capture all the emails we have done - i dont know how to do
that and then we could send it to John and see what he can do with it


Rob

No offence mate but I have no idea what you've just said.

 

[REDSAW]

i take my inspirations from friends of mine,
met many a moon ago, perhaps 30, 40 year or so.
There was i just wandering by eating a fine Edam pie,
along a path by a village and a tree. i truly suddenly did see,
from the corner of ones eye by the door, could it be i said, 'hi, i am redsaw'.
a pop a whistle and a clang i did stop.
turned and found a table with chair, upon it, a large flagon 'o' beer
the door did then creak & i heard her speak 'i am the soup dragon, what is it you seek'?
'come out, come out' i cry 'here taste my cheese mind, dont want to hear a single squeak'
tis was all calm then after, i now walked to the cheese store in a manner,
the wench nay even charge the flagon, she dropped a right clanger..

 

[Sid Viscous]

Redsaw, have you taken your medication today?

 

[Toxic Ted]

I cant believe the mods are letting this cheese safe topic to continue on an open forum where the general public can gen up on this specialised subject and then may "dabble" in something which is clearly a technical subject.

 

[tamz]

Keeping this on track Keefy, i checked the title deeds and i do indeed (well the good lady has) the cheese mining rights on my (her) plot of moonland.
After some further research into this i've found out that the NASA crew are in on this. They recon it has a best before date but they are probably just saying that to keep the profits for the Capitalist Republic of America. You know what they are like if they think there is money in it so we might have to move quick on this before they send the troops in to take the place over.

I've also spoken to old Alex (my next door neighbour retired enigneer (coal face)) and he recons he could knock up a rocket and get a team of miners together come June


Btw if the soup dragon is in i'm out!