Quick clean joke 4 u.!!!

[shorticus]

Two bulls standing on a hill.
'Dad' says the smaller of the two, 'look at that field down there, it's full of heifers, why don't we run down there and shag one of them?'
'No son' replies his father, 'we will walk, and shag them all!'

 

[Chrisgy]

My mate signed up for one of those 'learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks' courses you see in the papers. His final exam was at 9am yesterday. He turned up at 3pm looked at the exam paper and said.....''looks like I am going to need a pen for this job, I will have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back.'' He came top of his class!

 

[turnpin]

fella pulls at a disco and ends up having a hot night of passion back at hers when he wakes in the cold light of day he notices a picture of a man beside the bed on the bedside cabinet
is that your husband he says? ...no silly.....is it your boyfriend?...no silly the man becomes a bit annoyed and raises his voice well is it your Dad or brother? no silly well who the bl**dy
hell is it ..thats me before I had the surgery came the reply! regards turnpin

 

[tonto33]

When Traveling in extreme waether conditions the goverment have advised that you should carry a shovel, flask, wellies, rock salt, hi-vis jacket, a tourch and a blanket...



... i looked a right t*at on the bus this morning!

 

[Chrisgy]

I was just about to enter a pub, when I saw a sign that said 'guide dogs only'. Bet it's quiet in there.

 

[dontknowitall]

Why aren't you allowed to guide cats or women or tourists?

Sorry - long day.

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

dont know dkia

 

[Chrisgy]

My wife hates the fact I'm seeing an old flame at work.I keep telling her,"I'm a gas heating engineer for ****s sake."

 

[turnpin]

Young fella pulls good looking 58 year old at the Disco " how do you feel about doing a sports mans double back at my place" " whats that he replied " " a mother and daughter threesome" he thinks I bet her daughter is well fit and say`s "lets go" she opens the door to her home and turns on the hallway light and say`s" mother put your teeth in I have found someone who`s up for it!!!!....regards turnpin

 

[Puddle]

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was
sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the
front of the church Everyone started screaming and running for the
front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away
from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat
calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that
God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?" The man
replied, "Yep, sure do." "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked. "Nope,
sure aint." said the man.

"Don't you realise I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan. "Don't
doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all
eternity?" persisted Satan. "Yep" was the calm reply. "And you are
still not afraid?" asked Satan. "Nope," said the old man.



More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of
me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years..."