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a monday pick me up contains adult humour

  • Thread starter Thread starter Barry98
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A fella joins a silent monastic order..at his induction he is informed that every five years he will be allowed to say two words......after five years hes called in foods cold he says.......another five years on again he is called in ...beds hard he says....another five years on again he is called in....I'm off and leaves the head monkturns to his second in command and says I'm glad he's gone hasn't stopped ******* complaining since he got here............regards Turnpin:smilielol5:
 
I was in bed with the wife the other night and she said if I turned the bedside light out she'd take it up the arse...

Maybe I should have let it cool down a bit first.
 
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I just got my wife a man utd bra and she hates it. She says the support is crap and it wont be long before the **** are out of both cups.
 
A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee.

He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.

Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.

The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
 
Bloke in a pub gets talking to the lady as you do.. then the conversation popped up about having sex and he said he'd never had it before.
Anyway she offered him over later that evening to show how to do a 69
Later there was a knock on the front door, she let's him in and into the bedroom.
She says "take off your clothes! "
He strips off fast.
They get into the sex position and then she accidentally FARTS "prrrrp"
She apologies "I'm sorry it won't happen again"
"Ok", he replied
Third attempt....."prrrp"
"OMG" she said
Bloke then gets up and says "whatever it was I dnno, but aint gner be waiting a round for the 66..
 
Upstairs under floor heating loll pmsl.. yep deffo doesn't understand the principles of convection current.
 
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