a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[villa_tom]

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[Masood]

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pView attachment 12293

I wnat one!

 

[SafeGasInstall]

cant even spell quality lmao

Welcome to my world lol

 

[villa_tom]

Welcome to my world lol

This is your second language, so we will let you off plus you speak better English than most people on Jeremy Kyle

 

[SafeGasInstall]

This is your second language, so we will let you off plus you speak better English than most people on Jeremy Kyle

i am afraid its not my second language ....its actually my third

 

[SafeGasInstall]

This is your second language, so we will let you off plus you speak better English than most people on Jeremy Kyle

you like the big man JK ?

 

[Leo21]

i am afraid its not my second language ....its actually my third

What's your second language then Stan?

 

[villa_tom]

i am afraid its not my second language ....its actually my third

You are just showing off now

 

[villa_tom]

you like the big man JK ?

Not a chance

when I was laid off in 2010 I had 6 weeks off between jobs and had never watched it till then, never again though, makes me ashamed to be English :-(

 

[julesverne]

good old prince phil

 

[Barry98]

O dear

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER…
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh-in 2 kgs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed—freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents- expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café
12:45 Catch sight of partner’s ex and notice that she has gained 17 kgs
1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk—says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers
10:00 Hot shower- alone
10:50 Carried to bed… freshly ironed, crisp, white linen
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM…
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive, satisfying **** while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast—steak and eggs, coffee and toast—all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers on route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job on-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch—steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Another Blow job
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)—on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson (bending over, naturally)
6:45 ****, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news—Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner—lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy
fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of ****
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV
as you watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

what castle? i cant see one

 

[dontknowitall]

... A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

LOL LOL :smile:

 

[Leo21]

A 24 second fart with no follow through, highly unlikely. The rest of it sounds perfectly feasible.

 

[erpkid]

A 24 second fart with no follow through, highly unlikely. The rest of it sounds perfectly feasible.

I think we are having fart creep here.........

 

[Howsie]

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2013/04/18...over-artist-the-funeral-of-baroness-thatcher/

Amusing.

 

[julesverne]

dogs !!!!

 

[TomLane]

I know it's disgusting, but I just had to show my wife the biggest **** I've ever done.

"Tom!" she shrieked. "Take it back to the toilet".

 

[Howsie]

I thought someone had over inflated my blow-up doll last night, but it turned out to be my wife.

 

[Howsie]

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2013/04/16/inspiring-singing-of-the-day/

The subtitles have me in bits.

 

[SimonG]

A woman is stood at the top of a cliff, she's just about to jump off as this tramp walks past.
'You gonna kill yourself?' he asks.
'Yes I am, now go away' she replies.
'Well' he says, 'If you're gonna kill yourself, can we have sex first?'
'No we can't, you disgusting creep!' she shouts.

'Well that's alright then' he responds, 'I'll go and wait for you at the bottom!'

 

[kay-jay]

A woman is stood at the top of a cliff, she's just about to jump off as this tramp walks past.
'You gonna kill yourself?' he asks.
'Yes I am, now go away' she replies.
'Well' he says, 'If you're gonna kill yourself, can we have sex first?'
'No we can't, you disgusting creep!' she shouts.

'Well that's alright then' he responds, 'I'll go and wait for you at the bottom!'

I got texted that today
Was just about to post it myself lol

 

[SimonG]

I got texted that today
Was just about to post it myself lol

I got it Thursday night, just remembered to do it now.

 

[Dotty]

My wife arrived back from her driving test today."So," I asked excitedly,"how did you get on?" "Not good," she replied."He failed me!" "Oh dear!" I said sympathetically."It can't be that bad,what did he pull you up on?" "A rope," she replied."The car's still at the bottom of the river."