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Discuss a monday pick me up contains adult humour in the Plumbing Jobs | The Job-board area at Plumbers Forums
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M
mountainman
Irreverend, but I like it.
K
kay-jay
Somethings you can always count on...
The sun rising and setting and howsie being a sicko
I just knew you'd be first in with the frost jokes. Good un
- Messages
- 5,168
A big party in Ilfracombe tonight then
P
PlumbBobBob
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the
teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)
(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener,
and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the
'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
( But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
(Keep shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,
handing it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and
check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right away'
Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're Stupid!!!!
Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too.
Don't laugh....it is all true...
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the
teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)
(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener,
and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the
'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
( But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
(Keep shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,
handing it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and
check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right away'
Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're Stupid!!!!
Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too.
Don't laugh....it is all true...
D
Dotty
Can't help but laugh at this one!
[video=youtube;QkafqWiAHhA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkafqWiAHhA[/video]
[video=youtube;QkafqWiAHhA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkafqWiAHhA[/video]
D
Dotty
I think it is absolutely necessary to look at things from a woman's point of view!
Men Will Never Understand Unless We See It From A Womans Point Of View | The Nug
Men Will Never Understand Unless We See It From A Womans Point Of View | The Nug
T
tamz
[FONT=&]
One day a man comes home from work and his wife says, "Darling, we have a dripping tap in the upstairs bathroom, could you fix it?"
The husband says, "Do i look like, a plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Darling, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "Do I look like a mechanic?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining heavy. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Darling, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "Do I look like a roofer?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. the tap is fixed and so is the car.
He asks his wife "How did you get them fixed?".
"Oh, I had a Bob the builder down the road come in and fix them," she says.
"Bloody great! How much has that cost me?" he snarls.
Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him."
"Well thats ok then, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.
"What do I look like," she says, "a fkn baker?"[/FONT]
One day a man comes home from work and his wife says, "Darling, we have a dripping tap in the upstairs bathroom, could you fix it?"
The husband says, "Do i look like, a plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Darling, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "Do I look like a mechanic?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining heavy. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Darling, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "Do I look like a roofer?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. the tap is fixed and so is the car.
He asks his wife "How did you get them fixed?".
"Oh, I had a Bob the builder down the road come in and fix them," she says.
"Bloody great! How much has that cost me?" he snarls.
Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him."
"Well thats ok then, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.
"What do I look like," she says, "a fkn baker?"[/FONT]
D
Dotty
[DLMURL="http://*********/gallery/wJSRE"]The 10 Best Chewbacca Quotes - Imgur[/DLMURL]
Last edited by a moderator:
- Messages
- 21,026
gwwgrrraaaaawwwwhhhgr
K
kay-jay
P
PlumbBobBob
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
B
Barry98
Wonder what you've been searching google for this aft
M
mountainman
Finally found the missus' G Spot.
Tut, who would have figured that her younger sister had it all this time?
Tut, who would have figured that her younger sister had it all this time?
M
mountainman
The Karma Sutra has a new chapter entitled 'The Plumber'.
You both stay in all day and nobody comes!
You both stay in all day and nobody comes!
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