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things a gas engineer / plumber would never say

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Oh good morning madam, the apprentice? oh he's lost his contact lens somewhere near that pile of your dirty underwear and he has to get really close to the ground to find it!!!
 
"Mind your ears, I'm about to smash your old cast iron bath up."

They soon scarper when you get to work with the old lump hammer.
 
moogwai said:
I know I know........it goes all the way back to when I was an 9 year old lad walking to school after drinking a cup of tea and all of a sudden that nasty cup of tea flew out of my mouth and shot out of my nose!! And I've never touched it since......just don't like hot drinks......please don't hate me and make me the forum outcast!

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same story for me and kebabs, wont go near them now especially as you see the uncooked meat as they cut it off the block in the shops, there is no way they can guarantee that you are only getting cooked meat!!
 
jase158 said:
same story for me and kebabs, wont go near them now especially as you see the uncooked meat as they cut it off the block in the shops, there is no way they can guarantee that you are only getting cooked meat!!
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I once saw a butcher dragging a full pig off the back seat of an old dirty Ford Sierra in the loading bay area of a local shopping centre. I haven't bought anything out of there since.
 
havent checked all yet, but had to write these down before I forgot,

Yes British gas are amazing, they do such a great job, to be honest your better off giving them a call as they will cover you for anything and all at only £20 a month, let me go to my van and i will get there number for you.

Yes the previous plumber did an absolutely amazing job, I am so impressed that I dont want to go and touch any of his work as it will surely ruin the greatness of it

Yes I have heard of that plumber and he is brilliant.

Yes that forum you looked up explains your exact problem and I will come and fix it for you

Yes you were right and it was the sensor on the boiler and yes i should of listened to you
 
Really your farther in law used to be an engineer? And he's here all day tomorrow fantastic! I can't wait to meet him
 
No Mr Jones, those boxers you found under the bed are not mine - I always go commando!
 
Keefy said:
"Can I have a go of your Stannah Stairlift?"
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Ha ha my mate had a go on one while the custard was at her daughters and we were throwing in a full heating.....it got stuck half way up the stairs and wouldn't budge. He had to eat a lot of humble pie and pay for an engineers visit. I nearly wet myself laughing🙂
 
"I've done your ball cock, checked the long screw on your gas supply, done a tightness test so that flange is definitely tight and will now check your man hole... oh dear, forgot about political correctness for a moment there love!"
 
Had a bloke calm me and ask me how to make his heating system more efficient.

Long story short....

.....told him it's cheaper for him to pay the gas bill than it would be to get rid of his wife.

He didn't see the funny side of it.
 
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