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things a gas engineer / plumber would never say

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See when i told you i was away to nip to the van to get a couple of bend's i was actually calling my plumber mate as i did not have a clue what i was doing!!
 
Yes no prolbem I will install this heap line for you and give you a warranty on it. Btw if you make it cash it will be cheaper too
 
Sorry for flooding your house .... Forgotten the decorate cap on your TRV. My bad. :-( I will mop it up for free.
 
"that was quick!" ... Yes when u know how to ..... that will be 100 quid please.
 
... Of course I wont be the first to use your brand new wc pan .... The honour is yours.
 
Wow, these cheap IKEA traps you've bought are amazing...
No, no seriously I LOVE fighting with them for ages to stop them leaking because you are too tight to buy fittings that do what they are meant to.
 
I am Colonel Chicken-Cricket of The United States Sex Machines. Relinquish control of your bowels or face the wrath of my exploding trousers.
 
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