things a gas engineer / plumber would never say

[dontknowitall]

When did you last see your toes?

 

[WHPES]

I need to go and get you a strap-on

[boss]

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

When did you last see your toes?

lol i dont think the toilet you bought from b=q is designed for zoo animals madam you must weigh at least 30 stone you fat git

 

[dontknowitall]

Is that buzzing your phone?

 

[REDSAW]

no sir, i dont mind at all that someone else installed your cooker this sunday morning. i wouldnt expect you to waste your money phoning to let me know, anyways, i pass this way once a year on the way to my holidays.

 

[dontknowitall]

Something I did say ...

I was working with another plumber recently (brilliant plumber and much, much better than me I hasten to add). He was chatting to customer and I heard the customer ask, "How often, say out of 10 boilers, when you install a boiler, does it go wrong?" Before the poor chap could answer I shouted, "EVERY TIME!"

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

Something I did say ...

I was working with another plumber recently (brilliant plumber and much, much better than me I hasten to add). He was chatting to customer and I heard the customer ask, "How often, say out of 10 boilers, when you install a boiler, does it go wrong?" Before the poor chap could answer I shouted, "EVERY TIME!"

you should have said never .........except yours

 

[jhon lennon]

no i would prefer a cheque

 

[bantamgas]

I'm just surprised at the amount of customers called Smith.......i've not worked for anything called Smith yet.

 

[jhon lennon]

no love ive just had a brew and cake

 

[jhon lennon]

its ok leave him in i love big dogs

 

[jhon lennon]

i usually start at 730 in the morning and stay till the job is done

 

[jhon lennon]

thought you were a copper when i saw the uniform in the wardrobe but whats the whip for

 

[jhon lennon]

no you cant have a shower whilst ime working in the bathroom love you might get me soapy and wet

 

[jhon lennon]

can you both go and try your new underwear on in another room while i work in hear ladies

 

[scotty plumber]

I just brushed my mess in to that hole in your floor as i could not be bothered going to get my dust-pan!

 

[scotty plumber]

Doe's it really matter if your shower is faulty as i don't think you use it very often?

 

[scotty plumber]

When i asked if i could borrow your hoover that was actually a hint for you to say ( Oh don't worry about that as il do it myself! )

 

[jhon lennon]

dont worry if u nip off to the shops i will wait if your not in

 

[jhon lennon]

that stain on the ceiling wasnt there befour

 

[jhon lennon]

its ok i have change for a fiver

 

[jhon lennon]

that banging noise from your boiler is nothing to worry about

 

[jhon lennon]

last time i saw your cat was just be four i put back the floorboards

 

[jhon lennon]

if you smell gas close all doors and windows and have a ciggie

 

[jhon lennon]

whoops i added up wrong i think ive overcharged you