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things a gas engineer / plumber would never say

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sorry mr smith i didnt realise i was on your side of the bed , your lass never said anything
 
you could have cleaned you toilet before i came out, mr smith..

you've got a head ache and think its the boiler? well i dont detect any carbon monoxide, i think its this stinking house, try having a shower and opening the windows 🙂
 
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you want to show me all the problems in the house that arent related to my job at all, yeah go on then, i dont mind..

you dont have any money in the house to pay me ? why did you call me out then ?

you want to haggle ? ooh go on then..

hi, are you a plumber "yes" i saw you working next door and thought you'd be able to help me, could you fix my boiler while your on, i have no money.. is that ok ? yes........
 
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Yeah sure ill fix your drawers whilst im here. Whilst im at it ill also put up that flatpack furniture you have.
 
Yeh no problem I can sort the toilet and drains when I am finnished your boiler install no extra charge love
 
parts for heatlines are cheap,they are good boilers(yea right,detection electrode,baxi £8 heatline viso + £47!!!!!!!!)
 
Yes mrs smith you can turn the water off for me under the sink, as i stand at the side of you and look down your top and check your bum out.
 
whoops!, sorry, I really should check that your cat isn't under the floor when I nail it back down
 
I like these petrol prices as it gives me an excuse to put my prices up.
 
No problem I will swap your gas meter that you just bought of ebay and will give you a certificate aswell
 
Yes I'm positive I have to wear your underwear on my head to protect against Dihydrogen Monoxide Miss Smith.
 
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