things a gas engineer / plumber would never say

[royston]

Yes of course i can travel round all the plumbers merchants to find a tap body to fit your taps.

 

[dontknowitall]

Sorry I farted ...

 

[moogwai]

Sorry I farted ...

ha ha i like it!!!

yes it was me who left skids in the pan!!!

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

thanks for just taking the biggest dump known to mankind when i have come to replace your bathroom suite its no problem you have to use the facility's,even though you knew i was coming at 8:30,you could have got up earlier but being a typical custard you wont put your selves out am i annoyed no i am just teasing you lady,you are a lady arnt you???? could not tell with your beard,you know sex discrimination laws and all that,whats that you are a lady??????? , damn,shave that off you furry beast i have not had my brekkie i got up early to sort your bathroom out i think i want to vomit......

 

[SafeGasInstall]

ohhhh you are so sexyyyyy ( she really was )

 

[SafeGasInstall]

did you just had a bath ???????(had one sexy lady ) open the door in the morning after 5 min waiting outside with bath rob only
god I just wished she would go back in .......never happened

 

[moogwai]

did you just had a bath ???????(had one sexy lady ) open the door in the morning after 5 min waiting outside with bath rob only
god I just wished she would go back in .......never happened

i had one lady who looked like heather from eastenders (couldve been her double),open the front door in a towel and pyjama top...her big rottweiler came pounding to the door and knocked the towel off her...all of a sudden the were 2 growling rottweiler's at the door and i felt sick and had nightmares for weeks!!!

 

[royston]

Lol i had a guy answer door once completely naked swinging free. I still wake up having cold sweats and need medication to help me sleep at night. And yes he looked like he was a member of the blue oyster bar off police academy .

 

[obseen16]

lol had a fat bloke answer the door in his cartoon y fronts, the worst part was he had just been for a run and i had to follow him up the stairs to the boiler, it was terrifying.

 

[rhp]

'No no Mrs Smith I don't mind little Jonnie playing with the blow torch and running off with my spanners'

 

[kay-jay]

no you keep that ten pound tip and treat the kids

 

[GQuigley67]

mrs smith im just nipping out for a few minutes to smoke some crack, will be back in 5 mins to finish your boiler

 

[rhp]

What's that Mrs Smith, can you pay next month! of course, in fact don't worry it's on the house!

 

[quality]

No I am not Gas Safe registered thats why I am so cheap

 

[dontknowitall]

How do you remove the boiler's cover?

 

[rhp]

No Madam that gas valve is still available, i'll just do a tightness test and cap off before I pop out to get the part!

 

[mikegas]

I had to pee in the basin to check it was level

 

[franky]

You'll buy me a drink for payment instead of money why that seems like a great deal for changing a gas valve

 

[MoreleaksUK]

Silence is golden and the duct tape is in the van should you need it..........

 

[royston]

Here you go Mrs Smith ive just found your husbands stash of p orno mags and dvds round the back of the cylinder.

 

[GQuigley67]

if you dont mind me saying mrs smith i'd smash your back doors in your well bang tidy(this can be acceptable in some cases if its miss smith lol)

 

[philtheflush]

i forgot to ask before i started but can you swim

 

[philtheflush]

what ive done my love , ive just installed a water fountain in your bathroom looks lovley doesnt it

 

[dontknowitall]

Can you swim? LOL LOL - I've just got to use that one sometimes!!!

I try to have a joke with most customers (especially the older ones) and this one's really tickled me!

 

[REDSAW]

no sir, i dont have a gas safe registration card as it costs too much, i much prefer passing the savings to my customers thats why i only charge £10 per hour.
but i have seen this fire being installed before on a wall when i worked at b&q.