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things a gas engineer / plumber would never say

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Yes of course i can travel round all the plumbers merchants to find a tap body to fit your taps.
 
thanks for just taking the biggest dump known to mankind when i have come to replace your bathroom suite its no problem you have to use the facility's,even though you knew i was coming at 8:30,you could have got up earlier but being a typical custard you wont put your selves out am i annoyed no i am just teasing you lady,you are a lady arnt you???? could not tell with your beard,you know sex discrimination laws and all that,whats that you are a lady??????? , damn,shave that off you furry beast i have not had my brekkie i got up early to sort your bathroom out i think i want to vomit......
 
did you just had a bath ???????(had one sexy lady ) open the door in the morning after 5 min waiting outside with bath rob only
god I just wished she would go back in .......never happened 🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁
 
SafeGasInstall said:
did you just had a bath ???????(had one sexy lady ) open the door in the morning after 5 min waiting outside with bath rob only
god I just wished she would go back in .......never happened 🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁
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i had one lady who looked like heather from eastenders (couldve been her double),open the front door in a towel and pyjama top...her big rottweiler came pounding to the door and knocked the towel off her...all of a sudden the were 2 growling rottweiler's at the door and i felt sick and had nightmares for weeks!!!
 
Lol i had a guy answer door once completely naked swinging free. I still wake up having cold sweats and need medication to help me sleep at night. And yes he looked like he was a member of the blue oyster bar off police academy .
 
lol had a fat bloke answer the door in his cartoon y fronts, the worst part was he had just been for a run and i had to follow him up the stairs to the boiler, it was terrifying.
 
'No no Mrs Smith I don't mind little Jonnie playing with the blow torch and running off with my spanners'
 
mrs smith im just nipping out for a few minutes to smoke some crack, will be back in 5 mins to finish your boiler
 
What's that Mrs Smith, can you pay next month! of course, in fact don't worry it's on the house!
 
No Madam that gas valve is still available, i'll just do a tightness test and cap off before I pop out to get the part!
 
You'll buy me a drink for payment instead of money why that seems like a great deal for changing a gas valve
 
Silence is golden and the duct tape is in the van should you need it..........
 
Here you go Mrs Smith ive just found your husbands stash of p orno mags and dvds round the back of the cylinder.
 
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if you dont mind me saying mrs smith i'd smash your back doors in your well bang tidy(this can be acceptable in some cases if its miss smith lol)
 
Can you swim? LOL LOL - I've just got to use that one sometimes!!!

I try to have a joke with most customers (especially the older ones) and this one's really tickled me!
 
no sir, i dont have a gas safe registration card as it costs too much, i much prefer passing the savings to my customers thats why i only charge £10 per hour.
but i have seen this fire being installed before on a wall when i worked at b&q.
 
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