things a gas engineer / plumber would never say

[PlumbBobBob]

of course i can come today to fit your new bathroom suite, and as it's my birthday i'll do it for nothing

 

[Barry98]

no i dont mind you ringing me at 3 in the morning

 

[fuzzy]

i work nights

 

[quality]

No don't remove that cover on your vent because you boiler has an open flue it does not need it

 

[PlumbBobBob]

of course i'll talk you through how to fix your boiler over the phone

 

[kay-jay]

sorry love, i just don't have a clue, how about i just keep swapping parts til it fires up again?

 

[GQuigley67]

have you seen my baseball ?

 

[Barry98]

can i have my ball back mrs

 

[John_]

Hey, I am on holiday, but don't worry I will fly back now, my wife and kids won't mind. It is an emergency after all and I am the only plumber on this planet.

 

[Destroyer2813]

I would hoover up after myself but i dont see the point looking at the rest of the house

 

[Roger Welton]

Yes even though you've not offered all day I'd love a cuppa and a chat now I've :-

A)just started filling the system again
B) just about to leave

 

[drummer]

its not a leak on your bathroom rad. your husband needs to aim straight

 

[yourplumbing]

"Pay me when you can" "It can't be done"

 

[dontknowitall]

"Have you turned it off then on again?"

 

[petercj]

If you are working for BG .... "You don't need a power flush!"

and ... "Parts are available for your boiler!"

and ... "I won't bother with the Service, I'll just do a gas check!"

 

[Ray Stafford]

I like to pay my merchant early - because I love doing paperwork.

 

[petercj]

"Sorry, I never accept cash!"

 

[Keefy]

"Registered? Of course, here's my ACOPS card."

 

[lame plumber]

No No thats fine, I really love dogs, especially when I've got my head in a cupboard looking for your bloody filling loop and he starts to lick MY BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and no I really dont need an ambulance to deal with that massive cut in my forehead, that must have appeared just before I screamed a little while back before I blacked out!!!

Based on a true story!!! No names mentioned

 

[super plumb]

oh yeah,the Sime ecocomfort 30 combi is a great boiler.It will give you years of trouble free central heating and hot water.!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Whl4852]

Ravenheat? Yeah there brilliant boilers.

 

[lame plumber]

No of course I dont mind parking all the way down the road cos u cant be assed to move your car into your drive another 40 feet!!!!!!!1

 

[Keefy]

"I get really lonely working alone, can you stand over me and tell me how you used to be an engineer?"

 

[lame plumber]

oh its a basin, thought it was a urinal!

 

[Keefy]

"I've fixed the tap but your toilet is blocked, and you're out of toilet paper."