a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[julesverne]

Yes please

 

[CES]

Went to a club last night..
They played the twist, I did the twist.


They played Jump. I jumped.


They played Come on Eileen, I got kicked out for that one.

 

[CES]

Three generations of prostitutes sat chatting. Granny asks how much does a blowjob cost these days?" The youngest answers £50. "Eeeee" says the mother, "IN the sixties it cost 2 pound 10 shillings". "Eeeee" says the granny, "During the war we were just glad of something warm in our bellies".

 

[Masood]

Something you REALLY don't want to see in a dark club after a few too many...

 

[Dotty]

 

[turnpin]

View attachment 18035[/QUOTEhope they take his @rse out the water or they might pump the lake dry ....lol regards Turnpin]

 

[Masood]

Very, very disturbing...

More here

The World?s Weirdest Album Covers | The Poke

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

don't know about you, but as I've got older, I've started noticing problems with my joints.

I just can't seem to roll them properly without my glasses on

 

[bassmonster]

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd,..........

"If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM Thinkpad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says,.........

"You have exactly 1586 sheep".

"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?"

"OK, why not" answered the young man.

"You are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give me back my dog!!!"

*

 

[kay-jay]

 

[kay-jay]

have a good chuckle at this contender for the next darwen awards

 

[kay-jay]

croppie trying to fit in again................

 

[Dotty]

croppie trying to fit in again................

 

[kay-jay]

 

[stevetheplumber]

have a good chuckle at this contender for the next darwen awards

bet he makes a gash job of cementing that soil pipe in

 

[Ermintrude]

My mrs just said, arguing is like being arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.

 

[turnpin]

My mrs just said, arguing is like being arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.

Ahhh but is she speaking from personal experience....lol regards Turnpin:rofl:

 

[bassmonster]

This just cracked me up... Lmao...

 

[Masood]

Gotta love Viz!

 

[kay-jay]

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/acrostic_van.jpg


Ha ha

 

[bassmonster]

Erm..... I don't geddit.....

 

[Atouchofgas]

Read the first letter of each word down the way

 

[bassmonster]

You would not believe how many times I read that trying to find out what was wrong with it... Lol... Do you reckon it was intentional?

 

[PlumbBobBob]

lol it was so intentional

 

[CES]

Looks like peaches didn't like Mondays either!...

too soon?...