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Discuss a monday pick me up contains adult humour in the Plumbing Jobs | The Job-board area at Plumbers Forums
- Status
J
julesverne
......
M
Masood
B
Barry98
Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
So then the farmer leaves for the fields.
After a while, the insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.
Carol takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one...right here.'
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks,
'Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?'
'That's simple; by the nail over its stall', Carol explains very confidently.
Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'
She turns and starts to walk away and with complete confidence, says over her shoulder, ......
'I assume it's to hang your trousers on.'
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
So then the farmer leaves for the fields.
After a while, the insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.
Carol takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one...right here.'
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks,
'Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?'
'That's simple; by the nail over its stall', Carol explains very confidently.
Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'
She turns and starts to walk away and with complete confidence, says over her shoulder, ......
'I assume it's to hang your trousers on.'
B
Barry98
3 Yorkshire lads and 3 Cockney blokes were in a ticket queue at York Central train station heading to Euston for a Scotland - England International at Wembley.
The 3 Cockneys each bought a ticket and watched as the 3 Yorkies bought just one ticket between them.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on 1 ticket?" asked one of the Cockneys. "Thall av ta watch and learn" answered one of the boys from the North.
When the 6 travellers boarded the train, the 3 Londoners sat down, but the 3 Northerners crammed into a toilet together and closed the door.
Shortly after the train set off the conductor came around to collect tickets. He knocked on the toilet door and said, "tickets please." The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The Conductor took it and moved on into the next car.
The Southerners saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save themselves some money.
That evening after the game, when they all got to Euston, the Cockney blokes bought a single ticket for the return trip, while to their astonishment, the 3 Yorkshire lads didn't even buy 1 ticket.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed Cockneys. "A tell thee, tha has ta watch and learn", answered one of the Tykes.
When they boarded the train the 3 Cockneys crammed themselves into a toilet and the 3 Yorkies crammed themselves into another toilet.
Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Tykes left their toilet and walked over to the Cockney's toilet. He knocked on the door and said "ticket please".
There's just no way on God's green earth to explain Yorkshire ingenuity is there?
The 3 Cockneys each bought a ticket and watched as the 3 Yorkies bought just one ticket between them.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on 1 ticket?" asked one of the Cockneys. "Thall av ta watch and learn" answered one of the boys from the North.
When the 6 travellers boarded the train, the 3 Londoners sat down, but the 3 Northerners crammed into a toilet together and closed the door.
Shortly after the train set off the conductor came around to collect tickets. He knocked on the toilet door and said, "tickets please." The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The Conductor took it and moved on into the next car.
The Southerners saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save themselves some money.
That evening after the game, when they all got to Euston, the Cockney blokes bought a single ticket for the return trip, while to their astonishment, the 3 Yorkshire lads didn't even buy 1 ticket.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed Cockneys. "A tell thee, tha has ta watch and learn", answered one of the Tykes.
When they boarded the train the 3 Cockneys crammed themselves into a toilet and the 3 Yorkies crammed themselves into another toilet.
Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Tykes left their toilet and walked over to the Cockney's toilet. He knocked on the door and said "ticket please".
There's just no way on God's green earth to explain Yorkshire ingenuity is there?
M
Masood
G
gavinwilson
what do you mean? this is not how you hang a radiator!
- Messages
- 5,067
Who forgot to buy the floor support feet then ?
D
Dotty
It's a job I dislike intensely, I might try that see if I get asked again.
- Messages
- 5,481
A guy go's home and catches his best mate servicing his wife ..bashes him and frog march's him to the garden shed where he sticks the mans dick in the vice and tightens it up and whilst the the fella is struggling to release the vice he sees the man approaching with a rusty old saw .....oh no you are not thinking of cutting my dick off are you ...no the man replies you are I'm setting fire to the shed........regards Turnpin:17:
E
Ermintrude
Gibbs free energy rocks my world!
Einstein, Newton and pascal are playing hide and seek. It's Einsteins turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees newton immediately and exclaims "newton I found you! You're it"
newton on smiles and says "you didn't find me you found a newton over a square meter. You found pascal!"
newton on smiles and says "you didn't find me you found a newton over a square meter. You found pascal!"
K
kay-jay
Ha ha weve all got favebook rob
M
Masood
K
kay-jay
i agree masood, you are a *****:25:
M
Masood
K
kay-jay
Grrrrrr!
I might have been a bit gentler with you mas but your auto spell checker keeps calling me kebab .........
M
Masood
I might have been a bit gentler with you mas but your auto spell checker keeps calling me kebab .........
PMSL! I didn't spot that!
B
Billy Bob Bob
Fact Versus Fiction man flu facts wimmin take note
- Messages
- 5,481
Gasman that is spookily acurate...I only know because I am a man flu survivor...regards Turnpin:smoking:
G
gavinwilson
an englishman,irishman and a welshman,it used to be a scotsman but he wants to go it alone so **** him
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