E
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Discuss a monday pick me up contains adult humour in the Plumbing Jobs | The Job-board area at Plumbers Forums
- Status
J
julesverne
Please remove if too close to the limit
John, a lifelong white racist living in the East End of London is in a
major car crash.
When he comes round 3 days later in hospital the surgeon says:
"I've got good news and bad news.....the bad news is you have had 2
pints of African blood and 2 pints of Romanian blood"
John screams "What the hell is the good news then?"
"Your ***** is 6" longer and you are top of the housing list"
John, a lifelong white racist living in the East End of London is in a
major car crash.
When he comes round 3 days later in hospital the surgeon says:
"I've got good news and bad news.....the bad news is you have had 2
pints of African blood and 2 pints of Romanian blood"
John screams "What the hell is the good news then?"
"Your ***** is 6" longer and you are top of the housing list"
K
kay-jay
Just got a message off jcplumb
Fail joe, fail[emoji107]
Fail joe, fail[emoji107]
D
Dotty
Just got a message off jcplumb
Fail joe, fail[emoji107]
And now everyone sets their phones to ring Joe at 2 in the morning.........
Fail Kev, Fail.......
E
Ermintrude
I'm on it
M
mountainman
Lol:-D
D
Dotty
Cock it, let's all do it!
E
Ermintrude
He's probably gonna switch it off so think we should bombard him with texts instead
L
lame plumber
B
Billy Bob Bob
i have his number,give us a grand and you can have itwho wants croppies mobile? yeah ooooh night night
L
lame plumber
D
Dotty
who wants croppies mobile? yeah ooooh night night
You bloody well said you lost it!
D
Dotty
That's a good'un....
M
mountainman
L
lame plumber
never admit to having useful information and never let on youve lost something that was useful either, oh I've found it again
- Messages
- 21,026
TEESSIDE HURRICANE APPEAL TODAY
A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and an earthquake measuring 5.8
on the Richter Scale hit Teesside in the early hours of Thursday with
its epicentre in Middlesbrough. Victims were seen wandering around
aimlessly, muttering "fukinelll".
The hurricane decimated the area causing almost £30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Benidorm and the Costa
Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out
cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Giros
arrived.
Radio Tees FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that
something interesting had happened in Teesside. One resident - Tracy
Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 3 said, "It was such a shock, my
little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My
youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I
was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the
next morning."
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried
on as normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of
Special Brew to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers
are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities
of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Ratners
and Bone China from the Pound shop.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
sought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) with hoods
Shell suits (female)
White stilettos
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Pyjamas for all day use
Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
Parmos
Microwave meals
Tins of baked beans
KFC
Ice cream
Cans of Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, parmo and blue fizzy drinks for a family of nine
£5 buys **** and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
**BREAKING NEWS**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry
alco-pop and were worried she had been badly cut...
"Where are you bleeding from?" they asked,
"Great Ayton" said the girl, wot's that gotta do wi yow?"
Please don't forward this to anyone living in Teesside - oh, sod it,
they won't be able to read it, anyway.
A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and an earthquake measuring 5.8
on the Richter Scale hit Teesside in the early hours of Thursday with
its epicentre in Middlesbrough. Victims were seen wandering around
aimlessly, muttering "fukinelll".
The hurricane decimated the area causing almost £30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Benidorm and the Costa
Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out
cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Giros
arrived.
Radio Tees FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that
something interesting had happened in Teesside. One resident - Tracy
Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 3 said, "It was such a shock, my
little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My
youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I
was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the
next morning."
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried
on as normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of
Special Brew to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers
are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities
of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Ratners
and Bone China from the Pound shop.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
sought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) with hoods
Shell suits (female)
White stilettos
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Pyjamas for all day use
Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
Parmos
Microwave meals
Tins of baked beans
KFC
Ice cream
Cans of Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, parmo and blue fizzy drinks for a family of nine
£5 buys **** and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
**BREAKING NEWS**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry
alco-pop and were worried she had been badly cut...
"Where are you bleeding from?" they asked,
"Great Ayton" said the girl, wot's that gotta do wi yow?"
Please don't forward this to anyone living in Teesside - oh, sod it,
they won't be able to read it, anyway.
J
julesverne
This guy came upto me and said I'm going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
i said "Is that a fret"
i said "Is that a fret"
Last edited by a moderator:
B
Barry98
B
Billy Bob Bob
Mystery - last night my wife sent me a text, saying she was in Casualty.
When I got home I watched all 50 minutes of it, never saw her once.
I think she's lying. She still hasn't come home yet. I'm starving.
When I got home I watched all 50 minutes of it, never saw her once.
I think she's lying. She still hasn't come home yet. I'm starving.
B
Billy Bob Bob
The Queen is in Glasgow where she bumped into Alex Salmond.
HM: “How nice to see you Mr Salmond”.
AS: “Nice to see you Ma’am. Now, what are we going to call Scotland
when we win Independence? How about calling it a Kingdom, and
then I’ll be a King”?
HM: “No, we don’t like that idea Mr Salmond”.
AS: “Empire, and I'll be Emperor”?
HM: “No. I don’t think so Mr Salmond”.
AS: “OK, so how about calling it a Principality, and then I’ll be a
Prince”?
HM: “No, Mr Salmond. May I suggest that we call it a Country?
HM: “How nice to see you Mr Salmond”.
AS: “Nice to see you Ma’am. Now, what are we going to call Scotland
when we win Independence? How about calling it a Kingdom, and
then I’ll be a King”?
HM: “No, we don’t like that idea Mr Salmond”.
AS: “Empire, and I'll be Emperor”?
HM: “No. I don’t think so Mr Salmond”.
AS: “OK, so how about calling it a Principality, and then I’ll be a
Prince”?
HM: “No, Mr Salmond. May I suggest that we call it a Country?
B
Barry98
You've been warned
- Status
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