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Discuss a monday pick me up contains adult humour in the Plumbing Jobs | The Job-board area at Plumbers Forums
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D
Dotty
I went up to my wife holding a gun and said, "Any last words?"
Two hours later, I killed her
Two hours later, I killed her
K
kay-jay
D
Dotty
New regulation in South Africa.
J
julesverne
if being attacked by a bunch of pyschpathic clowns to protect yourself always go for the juggler
D
Dotty
On average, a Welshman will have sex two to three times a week whereas a Chinese man will have sex only once or twice a year.
This is upsetting news as I had no idea I was Chinese.......
This is upsetting news as I had no idea I was Chinese.......
D
Dotty
D
Dotty
A Welsh man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant. The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself. So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. "Try again" he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day banging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
"No," she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant. The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself. So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. "Try again" he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day banging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
"No," she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."
M
Masood
Well that wasn't very well thought-out, was it?
M
Masood
Really?! Everyone says you're Ni Hai. I just assumed that was your real name...
D
Dotty
K
kay-jay
What about your hat?[emoji38][emoji38][emoji38]
D
Dotty
Took me a moment.........
Turd........
Turd........
B
Billy Bob Bob
A sweet-looking old lady enters in a sex-shop. She walks hesitantly, her hands shake, her whole body is taken by random spasms and tremors, she shows all the signs of advanced Parkinson.
When she arrives at the counter, she holds tight on it to steady herself. Her shakes are so bad that you can hear the faint dingaling of things rattling on the counter's glass shelves.
The clerk is a bit taken aback, but still asks: "How can I help you, Madame?"
Stuttering slightly, the old lady asks:
"Do you-ou s-sell ****** here?"
"Er... Yes, we do..."
"D-do you ha-have that big pi-pink one... The one w-with t-three speeds... T-t-twe-elve inches long?"
"Well... Er... Yes, we have something like that..."
The old lady leans on the counter, which shakes all the more. With an intent look on her face, almost grimacing, she yells in one go:
"HOW DO YOU SWITCH THE BUGGER OFF???"
When she arrives at the counter, she holds tight on it to steady herself. Her shakes are so bad that you can hear the faint dingaling of things rattling on the counter's glass shelves.
The clerk is a bit taken aback, but still asks: "How can I help you, Madame?"
Stuttering slightly, the old lady asks:
"Do you-ou s-sell ****** here?"
"Er... Yes, we do..."
"D-do you ha-have that big pi-pink one... The one w-with t-three speeds... T-t-twe-elve inches long?"
"Well... Er... Yes, we have something like that..."
The old lady leans on the counter, which shakes all the more. With an intent look on her face, almost grimacing, she yells in one go:
"HOW DO YOU SWITCH THE BUGGER OFF???"
L
lame plumber
could have been a great ride once upon a time, the bike that is...........................
L
lame plumber
cheap tarts vibrator? coke bottle full of blue bottles 
how does a cheap tart keep the flies off her tea when eating it, she opens her legs
Oz jokes made less racist
how does a cheap tart keep the flies off her tea when eating it, she opens her legs
Oz jokes made less racist
B
Barry98
iPhone 6 ordered last week two packages first ones just arrived
N
newcastle phill
Is that your free gift
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