K
Kyle87
pre-pubescent feminine itching?
try saville-on
try saville-on
-
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Discuss a monday pick me up contains adult humour in the Plumbing Jobs | The Job-board area at Plumbers Forums
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P
Plum Bob 66
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Just remembered this Golden Oldie, but here it is just for Tamz because other than me he is probably the only one who can remember this pair
"Whats pink and stinks of Ginger ?"
Fred Astairs finger !!!:euro:
Just remembered this Golden Oldie, but here it is just for Tamz because other than me he is probably the only one who can remember this pair
"Whats pink and stinks of Ginger ?"
Fred Astairs finger !!!:euro:
G
Guest123
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
GLASGOW
The only place where Fathers Day cards are sold in packs of five.
GLASGOW
The only place where Fathers Day cards are sold in packs of five.
M
mountainman
Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning:
"Windows frozen."
Husband texts back:
"Pour some lukewarm water over it."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"Computer completely screwed up now."
"Windows frozen."
Husband texts back:
"Pour some lukewarm water over it."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"Computer completely screwed up now."
D
dontknowitall
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Husband texts back:
I'll msg Jim20 - he might have an idea
Husband texts back:
I'll msg Jim20 - he might have an idea
M
mountainman
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Cold winter coming?
It's fall, and the Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their
new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old
secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was
going to be like..
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was
indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect
firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went
to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the
coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at
the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more
firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still
look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be
a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every
scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are
you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going
to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a ****load of firewood'
Cold winter coming?
It's fall, and the Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their
new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old
secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was
going to be like..
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was
indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect
firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went
to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the
coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at
the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more
firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still
look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be
a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every
scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are
you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going
to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a ****load of firewood'
D
dontknowitall
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
That's a great one!! And good that you can tell that to your mother/grannie too!
That's a great one!! And good that you can tell that to your mother/grannie too!
K
kay-jay
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
The missus bought a Paperback
down waterstones, Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
T’was “fifty shades of grey”.
Well I just left her to it,
At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…..
In her left hand was a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Doris hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.
Watching Doris bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things they went from bad to worse;
when She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and…
Said…. I must dominate her!!
Now if you knew our Doris,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.
She stood there nude,all naked like;
Bent forward just a bit ….
I thought what the hell,
Stepped forward,
and stood on her left tit!
Doris screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one”!!
Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,….
Turned “fifty shades of Grey”.
The missus bought a Paperback
down waterstones, Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
T’was “fifty shades of grey”.
Well I just left her to it,
At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…..
In her left hand was a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Doris hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.
Watching Doris bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things they went from bad to worse;
when She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and…
Said…. I must dominate her!!
Now if you knew our Doris,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.
She stood there nude,all naked like;
Bent forward just a bit ….
I thought what the hell,
Stepped forward,
and stood on her left tit!
Doris screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one”!!
Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,….
Turned “fifty shades of Grey”.
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
croppie`s local pub landlord called him as he lay in bed this morning and said, "croppie, I can't believe how drunk you were last night."
"I wasn't drunk,"croppie replied, "I was sober."
"You were very drunk," he said, "And by the way, you left your wallet, cigarettes and car keys here."
"They're not mine,"croppie replied, "All of my stuff is in my trouser pockets."
He said, "I know, I'm emptying them as we speak."
berzinga
croppie`s local pub landlord called him as he lay in bed this morning and said, "croppie, I can't believe how drunk you were last night."
"I wasn't drunk,"croppie replied, "I was sober."
"You were very drunk," he said, "And by the way, you left your wallet, cigarettes and car keys here."
"They're not mine,"croppie replied, "All of my stuff is in my trouser pockets."
He said, "I know, I'm emptying them as we speak."
berzinga
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.
Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon. "Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.
"Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."
"That's great," said the surgeon.
"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in water colors."*
*"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"
"Well, just one problem," said the golfer.
"Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache.
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.
Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon. "Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.
"Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."
"That's great," said the surgeon.
"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in water colors."*
*"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"
"Well, just one problem," said the golfer.
"Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache.
D
Dotty
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Congratulations to Audley Harrison.
He's beaten Katie Price's record for 'most time on your back after being fisted.'
Congratulations to Audley Harrison.
He's beaten Katie Price's record for 'most time on your back after being fisted.'
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
What is the difference between mother and wife?
One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.
What is the difference between mother and wife?
One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
croppie phones for an ambulance as his mate been hit by a car, Operator asks where he is. He says outside 28 Eucalyptus Rd. Operator asks, "How do u spell that?" The line goes quiet for 5 minutes, Operator gets a bit worried, Then croppie says, "Sorry about that, I've just dragged him round to Oak Street
croppie phones for an ambulance as his mate been hit by a car, Operator asks where he is. He says outside 28 Eucalyptus Rd. Operator asks, "How do u spell that?" The line goes quiet for 5 minutes, Operator gets a bit worried, Then croppie says, "Sorry about that, I've just dragged him round to Oak Street
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
sticking with irish heres a few more
Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes
7 and 8....
Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police womans uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him
After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanics swimming pool was still full!
sticking with irish heres a few more
Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes
7 and 8....
Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police womans uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him
After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanics swimming pool was still full!
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
and my monday last pick me up
Now on sale at IKEA in Ballymun, Dublin. LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove...
and my monday last pick me up
Now on sale at IKEA in Ballymun, Dublin. LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove...
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
croppie called his boss this morning and said, "I'm not coming into work today."
"Why not?" he asked.
he said "My wife is throwing up in bed and she hasn't ironed my uniform."
"That's no excuse," he shouted.
he said, "I know, but try telling her that."
croppie called his boss this morning and said, "I'm not coming into work today."
"Why not?" he asked.
he said "My wife is throwing up in bed and she hasn't ironed my uniform."
"That's no excuse," he shouted.
he said, "I know, but try telling her that."
M
Mr Doberman
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
pmsl.
pmsl.
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
you know croppie well aswell then lol
you know croppie well aswell then lol
P
Plum Bob 66
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
George Clooney is to star in a film about Jimmy Savilles life, to be called ....Oh shes eleven.
George Clooney is to star in a film about Jimmy Savilles life, to be called ....Oh shes eleven.
M
Mr Doberman
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Oh dear.....the barrel is empty ! lol
Oh dear.....the barrel is empty ! lol
P
Plum Bob 66
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Not quite...
Was walking with the wife the other day when she stopped and took her shoe off, what you doing I said, I think there's a stone in it , she said. Well there's about twenty in the other one now so get a move on fatty !!!
Not quite...
Was walking with the wife the other day when she stopped and took her shoe off, what you doing I said, I think there's a stone in it , she said. Well there's about twenty in the other one now so get a move on fatty !!!
P
Plum Bob 66
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
After the release of the Hillsborough evidence, Injury Lawyers 4 U say they are now able to begin processing the the claims of the 2.5 million scousers who were at the match..
After the release of the Hillsborough evidence, Injury Lawyers 4 U say they are now able to begin processing the the claims of the 2.5 million scousers who were at the match..
- Messages
- 8,572
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Or .....: is that it for £100
Or .....: is that it for £100
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