a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[Dotty]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

My wife suddenly froze when I dipped my fingers in a pot of KY Jelly and stuck them in her arse for the first time.
"Pull them out, now!" she demanded.
"Don't you like it?" I asked.
"No," she replied, storming out of Tesco.

 

[dontknowitall]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife !"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the Best Toast of The Night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best Toast of The Night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

 

[Howsie]

The wife turned to me and said, 'Darling, look. I haven't worn this in 25 years and it still fits.'

I said, 'It's a scarf.'

 

[Howsie]

I've spent the last two years searching for my wife's killer.

But no one wants to do it.

 

[mountainman]

Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a Beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who Owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do....Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,
"Nothing, but you left your injun runnin". __________

 

[nicro3]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

They wouldn't speak out when jimmy Savile was alive so what's the difference now then now then now then?

 

[Dotty]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Wife turned to me the other night and asked "Is there something you'd like me to slip into?"

"How about a coma?" I replied.

 

[Plum Bob 66]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

It can only be a matter of time before Boris Johnsons mum comes forward and tells us she was r***d by Jimmy Saville

 

[villa_tom]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour



JOTM October???

 

[Howsie]

Words fail me.

 

[Howsie]

When will all these Jimmy Savile allegations end?

Now they are saying that Jeremy Beadle may have had a small hand in it too.

 

[SimonG]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

When will all these Jimmy Saville allegations end?

Morph has been accused of being a playdophile.

 

[SimonG]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I see some irate dyslexics have been arrested for a revenge attack, apperantly they beat up Jimmy Summerville

 

[Leo21]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

After jimmy Saville more trouble for the bbc as allegations surface that Rod Hull fisted a young bird.

 

[Plum Bob 66]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

View attachment 8153

JOTM October???

Shower for vertically challenged ??

 

[SimonG]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Shower for vertically challenged ??

Thought it was for hosing off your stones

Been set up in the gents in a pub so everybody comes out looking as though they've peed themselves.

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

McDonalds have brought out a McSaville burger its basically 84 year old meat that comes between 14 year old baps.

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

topical

 

[Plum Bob 66]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

McDonalds have brought out a McSaville burger its basically 84 year old meat that comes between 14 year old baps.

Oh dear, oh dear ,oh dear pmsl though !!

 

[Plum Bob 66]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

95% of men dont know how to turn on the dishwasher. I find a quick lick of the nipples and a light fingering does the trick.....

 

[Plum Bob 66]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.'

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention that
there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!'

The woman said, 'That's okay.'

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome
man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to'.
The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.'
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.'
The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine.'
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a mild heart attack.'

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers : Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen ...

now run along and put the kettle on, there's a love.

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

hot teacher?

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

the new diy leak kit available at all the sheds who needs plumbers :wink_smile:

 

[zeebeedee]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Love this!

 

[julesverne]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

what do jimmy saville, margaret thatcher and arthur scargill all have in common.




they all shafted minors in the 80's