B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
and another
and another
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K
kay-jay
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?...35530697.104678.378186898873924&type=1&ref=nf
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?...35530697.104678.378186898873924&type=1&ref=nf
K
kay-jay
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
G
Guest123
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
A day at the vets:
A day at the vets:
D
Dotty
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Yeah thanks Kev, now i gotta clean me tea off the screen!
Yeah thanks Kev, now i gotta clean me tea off the screen!
D
Dotty
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
[h=5]I've just killed three midget zombies outside my house, they're everywhere tonight!
They seem to go down easy enough though, just arm yourself with a hammer.
Stay safe people.[/h]
[h=5]I've just killed three midget zombies outside my house, they're everywhere tonight!
They seem to go down easy enough though, just arm yourself with a hammer.
Stay safe people.[/h]
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Jimmy Savile walks into a pub.
"What can I get you, Jimmy?" asks the landlord.
"Scotch. A big one".
"No problem. I've got a nice 12 year old that was delivered last week"
"Ok, but I'll have my drink first".
Jimmy Savile walks into a pub.
"What can I get you, Jimmy?" asks the landlord.
"Scotch. A big one".
"No problem. I've got a nice 12 year old that was delivered last week"
"Ok, but I'll have my drink first".
J
julesverne
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
i must admit i laughed my **** off
i must admit i laughed my **** off
B
Billy Bob Bob
D
Dotty
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Duz tha speak Yorkshire
A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet. Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember it by.
"Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No, I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft bugger!"
Bloke from Barnsley, with piles, asks chemist,
"Nah then, lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies, "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"
Police have just released details of a new drug craze prevalent in Yorkshire nightclubs. Apparently, Yorkshire clubgoers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth. Police say the dangerous practice is called "E by gum".
Duz tha speak Yorkshire
A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet. Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember it by.
"Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No, I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft bugger!"
Bloke from Barnsley, with piles, asks chemist,
"Nah then, lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies, "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"
Police have just released details of a new drug craze prevalent in Yorkshire nightclubs. Apparently, Yorkshire clubgoers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth. Police say the dangerous practice is called "E by gum".
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Paddy decides to go rabbit hunting, but when he gets to his favorite field he sees the village priest is already there.
Paddy watches with fascination as the priest holds his finger over a rabbit hole and immediately a rabbit pops out. The priest grabs it and puts it into a sack.
He repeats this unusual but very successful technique until his sack is full of rabbits.
Paddy stops the priest and asks him how he does it.
Easy, says the priest. Put your finger on your wife's privates and then hold it over a rabbit hole. They can't resist the smell, so when they come out grab them."
Paddy rushes home to find Maureen bent over scrubbing the floor.
He lifts up her skirt and applies his finger as directed. Without looking up, Maureen giggles, "Holy Moses, Father! Rabbit hunting again?"
Paddy decides to go rabbit hunting, but when he gets to his favorite field he sees the village priest is already there.
Paddy watches with fascination as the priest holds his finger over a rabbit hole and immediately a rabbit pops out. The priest grabs it and puts it into a sack.
He repeats this unusual but very successful technique until his sack is full of rabbits.
Paddy stops the priest and asks him how he does it.
Easy, says the priest. Put your finger on your wife's privates and then hold it over a rabbit hole. They can't resist the smell, so when they come out grab them."
Paddy rushes home to find Maureen bent over scrubbing the floor.
He lifts up her skirt and applies his finger as directed. Without looking up, Maureen giggles, "Holy Moses, Father! Rabbit hunting again?"
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Go and have a look at the size of the number 2 I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.
"No thanks," she replied.
"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it."
She pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet, then ran out and said, "There's nothing down there, you must've flushed it."
I said, "It's on the scales."
Go and have a look at the size of the number 2 I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.
"No thanks," she replied.
"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it."
She pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet, then ran out and said, "There's nothing down there, you must've flushed it."
I said, "It's on the scales."
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Firemen have just rescued an Irish man (not croppie)with his ***** stuck in a condom machine. They asked him what happened. He said the sign says insert £2 & push nob in...?
Firemen have just rescued an Irish man (not croppie)with his ***** stuck in a condom machine. They asked him what happened. He said the sign says insert £2 & push nob in...?
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
F.A.S.T
Face - has it fallen on one side?
Arms - can they raise both arms and keep them there?
Speech - is their speech slurred?
If so......
Time - to get her knickers off - the vodka's kicked in !!
F.A.S.T
Face - has it fallen on one side?
Arms - can they raise both arms and keep them there?
Speech - is their speech slurred?
If so......
Time - to get her knickers off - the vodka's kicked in !!
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Last night on the way home from the pub, it was a magic carpet, This morning, its just a doormat i nicked.
Last night on the way home from the pub, it was a magic carpet, This morning, its just a doormat i nicked.
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
I was playing Football Manager on my PC when I was offered the Scotland job.
I knew it was a terrible squad with no future, so I declined the offer.
I then put the phone down and got back to Football Manager.
I was playing Football Manager on my PC when I was offered the Scotland job.
I knew it was a terrible squad with no future, so I declined the offer.
I then put the phone down and got back to Football Manager.
P
PlumbBobBob
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
A bloke goes to the local council to apply for a job in the office.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine."
"Have you ever worked for the public service before?"
"Yes, I was in the army." he says, "I was in Iraq for two tours."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A mine exploded near me when I was there and I lost
Both of my testicles".
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K.. You've got enough points
For me to take you on right away.
Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.... ...but you can start tomorrow
At 10.00am - and carry on starting at 10.00am every day."
The bloke is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm,
Why don't you want me here until 10.00am? I'm not looking for any special
Treatment y'know"
"What you have to understand is that this is a council job," the interviewer says,
"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching
Our ********.
There's no point in you coming in for that."
A bloke goes to the local council to apply for a job in the office.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine."
"Have you ever worked for the public service before?"
"Yes, I was in the army." he says, "I was in Iraq for two tours."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A mine exploded near me when I was there and I lost
Both of my testicles".
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K.. You've got enough points
For me to take you on right away.
Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.... ...but you can start tomorrow
At 10.00am - and carry on starting at 10.00am every day."
The bloke is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm,
Why don't you want me here until 10.00am? I'm not looking for any special
Treatment y'know"
"What you have to understand is that this is a council job," the interviewer says,
"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching
Our ********.
There's no point in you coming in for that."
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