a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[turnpin]

Old couple at church at the back she...i just passed a little wind what should I do ?
He replies change your hearing aid batteries ....regards turnpin:grin:

 

[turnpin]

Old Girl goe's to gynaecologist for examination during examination he ask's ever had a check up here before?
No she replie's ...but during the war I had a Pole and two Hungarian's......regards turnpin

 

[SimonG]

Apparently after forensic investiagtion it's been found that the horses that were turned into burgers had been sexually assaulted. Police are looking for Jimmy Saddle.

 

[Plum Bob 66]

Humour of the equine variey

Don't know what all the fuss is about, I've had loads of burgers from Tesco and I'm in a stable condition.





Today I'll be raising the horseburger issue in parliament and demanding an urgent steward's inquiry





At least we know now whats in the burgers now and that's the mane thing





I selected some burgers on the Tesco website... I then clicked on "add to cart"



Last crap horseburger joke, honest. When cooking Tesco burgers the correct term is not 'medium to rare'. It's 'good to firm'.






I've just checked those Tesco burgers in the fridge.. and they're off.......



I think I had Tesco Horseburger last night by mistake. Never again. Had terrible night mares



What kind of bread do you put Tesco burgers in? Thorough bread.



Hey Tesco, why the long face!!!



I thought there was something dodgy about that burger the other night, it gave me the trots!



I had a burger before I went for a 4 mile run last night... I finished in six minutes & jumped 19 fences

 

[villa_tom]

Nor sure if this is allowed, if its not then can someone delete it ;-) it just got sent to me by email and made me laugh, so here goes

 

[dancinplumba]

no tom you shouldnt post pics of ya gonads

 

[CES]

‎"Jump in and I'll take you home," I said to my dwarf neighbour, who was sat at the bus stop today.

"**** off!" he replied.

"Suit yourself then," I said, as I straightened up my backpack and continued with my walk.

 

[dancinplumba]

excellent tesco

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

thats going on FB

 

[dancinplumba]

just got it off my fb gas man lol

 

[turnpin]

A Red Indian Chief sat with his young son around the camp fire..Father how are we named... When your Mother gave birth to your sister she looked in to the sky and saw a white dove so she is called white dove and when your brother was born your mother looked out and saw a buffalo running by so he was called running buffalo .....why do you ask two dogs shagging ?......regards turnpin:willy_nilly:

 

[kay-jay]

 

[Leo21]

This isn't funny, it's true.

 

[dancinplumba]

off fb

 

[Paulplumb]

 

[CES]

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really ****ed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife wokeup, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a boxgift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday......

 

[CES]

I asked 100 woman at the swimming baths what shampoo they used in the showers
99% said "get the f**k out"

 

[Barry98]

and the other 1%

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

and the other 1%

was it zeb LOL

 

[CES]

and the other 1%

"Head" & shoulders?... lol

 

[turnpin]

Little girl crying at a supermarket store a female assistant asks whats wrong I can't find myMum ...what,s she like.....vodka and big dicks she replies.........regards turnpin:19:

 

[SimonG]

Gay wizard walks into a bar and disappears with a 'poof'

 

[villa_tom]

Want sure where to post this, but as villa are a joke at the minute this thread will do. My blue nose mate just sent it me :-(

 

[kay-jay]

This morning, I spent an hour digging out the car because of the snow. I then spent a further hour digging the road clear to get my car out of the street. On getting onto the street, my car broke down, so I abandoned it and walked the seven miles to work.

At one point I had to take shelter in a bus stop as the blizzards were that bad they were forcing me back, but I still pushed on. Finally, two hours late I arrived for work, to be greeted by my boss.

"Bloody hell Dave, I'm surprised you're here. I wouldn't have minded if you didn't come in with all this snow" he said.

"Well" I said, "My wife made me come in."

"Really?" he asked. "What did she say?"

"Don't bother going to work, we can spend all day in bed."

 

[kay-jay]

a BBC reporter was in my High street wishing to interview unemployed people affected by the budget's proposed cut in benefit payments.
She stopped and asked a man passing by who said, "sorrry, I am just off to visit a client for my company, no good asking me"
She stopped a woman who said "sorry, I'm late for work, gotta be there in 5 mins, no good asking me"
She stopped another man who said "Just off to Nat West to bank this weeks takings for my firm, no good asking me"
Where are all the benefit claimants? the reporter asked. The man checked his watch and said, its 11 O'Clock, best try the pub.