a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[GQuigley67]

Sure am, back on scottish soil yesterday, so will be seeing more of me..........unfortunately lol

 

[SafeGasInstall]

you back for good pal ? how was it ?

 

[Howsie]

My conversation with my merchant:

www.thepoke.co.uk/2013/06/19/the-greatest-phone-conversation-in-a-movie-ever

 

[Ray Stafford]

My conversation with my merchant:

www.thepoke.co.uk/2013/06/19/the-greatest-phone-conversation-in-a-movie-ever

Thanks Howsie. I'm not sure that new PR agency is giving us value for money though...

 

[Howsie]

How To Uninstall McAfee Antivirus - YouTube

 

[TomLane]

Rest in peace Tony Baritone.

You used to be called Tony Soprano but now you're a whole lot deeper.

 

[Dotty]

I normally pay for a prostitute when I'm down in Glasgow, instead of going out on the pull.

It's a lot cheaper than trying to get a Glaswegian bird ****ed.

 

[Dotty]

I heard the one thing I didn't want to hear whilst having sex last night.

My wife's key in the front door.

 

[Dotty]

The Big Brother drinking game..

1) Turn it off
2) Go to the pub

 

[Dotty]

I haven't got a twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times.

I've got three followers so far, but I think two are the police

 

[Masood]

 

[SimonG]

TEL AVIV, Israel — The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. It's an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you,
but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.

Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling.
It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.

You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion.
Shortly thereafter, an announcement: “Attention to all standby passengers,
El Al is proud to announce a seat available on flight 670 to London . Shalom!”

 

[TomLane]

When women leave my house in the morning they never do the walk of shame.

They do the waddle of satisfaction.

 

[Howsie]

Message for the Lions http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2BSA4I6ePs&sns=em

 

[Howsie]

Christmas present.

 

[TomLane]

I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a slice of bread.

The birds were all over me.

 

[dancinplumba]

I went as a fat ball......same response )))

 

[Rickster123]

What would you say to a northerner with no arms and no legs when you can't find your watch?? ......


you got the time on ya cock?!

 

[julesverne]

parenting

 

[Rickster123]

I was dating a Siamese twin for awhile, but as she got older I started dating her sister behind her back.

 

[villa_tom]

A blokes just asked me to play the triangle in his Jamaican reggae band.

Ive just got to stand at the back and 'ting

 

[Rickster123]

A blokes just asked me to play the triangle in his Jamaican reggae band.

Ive just got to stand at the back and 'ting

hahaha I'm keeping that one!

 

[villa_tom]

hahaha I'm keeping that one!

These ones are the best

ive told this to a few people when I've been working in their homes - helps them relax after I've sold them a flush

 

[Rickster123]

Two prostitutes standing on a street corner. One says to the other, "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The other replies, "No, but I've been swung around by the ****!"

 

[Rickster123]

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'