a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[Rickster123]

My wife had a go at me last night She said "You'll drive me to my grave". "I had the car out in thirty seconds"

 

[turnpin]

Two pal`s playing golf when when a hearse and cortege drove slowly past the golf course one guy who was just about to tee off stopped took off his cap and bowed his head until it had passed his pal said "that was a jolly decent thing to do to show respect like that" well his mate replied she wasn`t a bad wife really".....lol regards Turnpin:wings:

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

Surgery


A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the years they have become loose and floppy.

Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and, of course, the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.

Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon.

"I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation"!

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"That's from a man in the burn unit - he wanted to thank you for his new ears."

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

I've just watched a documentary about children being beaten and abused
in Indian sweatshops. Looking at the quality of stitching on my new
trainers the little *******s deserved it!

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

bridge

 

[turnpin]

Methink`s a bridge too far....regards Turnpin:tongue:

 

[TomLane]

 

[julesverne]

oh dear

 

[Howsie]

http://www.youtube.com/#/watch?v=gDB0Fe_wvRU&desktop_uri=/watch?v=gDB0Fe_wvRU

Worth a watch.

 

[Howsie]

Should have been

http://www.youtube.com/#/watch?v=gDB0Fe_wvRU

 

[Howsie]

 

[Masood]

Sexy underwear for the missus? Yes please!!!!!

The Winerack DD drink holders

 

[Barry98]

Little Charlie and his friend Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.


One day they decide that they want to get married, so Charlie goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.


Charlie bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to
ask you for her hand in marriage."


Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well, Charles, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"


Without even taking a moment to think about it, Charlie replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit in it nicely."


Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."


Again, Charlie instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."


Mr. Smith is impressed. Charlie has put so much thought into this.


"Well Charles, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"


Charlie just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."




Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little ****** is adorable.

 

[Dotty]

[h=5]"Did you know that making a girl laugh is the second best way to get a girl into bed?", I asked my date.
"Really", she asked. "What's the first?".
"A big **** off knife!", I replied.
"Ha ha you're funny", she said.
"Well done, you've made a sensible choice"[/h]

 

[SimonG]

"Did you know that making a girl laugh is the second best way to get a girl into bed?", I asked my date.
"Really", she asked. "What's the first?".
"A big **** off knife!", I replied.
"Ha ha you're funny", she said.
"Well done, you've made a sensible choice"

Thought the best way was saying you won 150 million on the euro millions last night

 

[Dotty]

Thought the best way was saying you won 150 million on the euro millions last night

I can neither confirm nor deny any such rumours apropo Croppie and the Missing Euromillions......

 

[Howsie]

Exploding Princesses.

http://youtu.be/i6cb0ggl8bQ

 

[Leo21]

Exploding Princesses.

Exploding Actresses 03 - Disney Princesses - YouTube

Wtf, some people have to much time on there hands!

 

[julesverne]

My mates wife just left . She took the sky dish and all the bob marley cd's

Poor man , no woman no sky

 

[turnpin]

A man told his mate that his wife had lost her credit card 3months ago"did you report it missing" his pal said ."no "he replied "whoever found it is spending less than her"....regards Turnpin

 

[julesverne]

.........

 

[TomLane]

 

[Dotty]

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

bit like this one

 

[Dotty]

Anyone else licking their lips?