a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[Dotty]

oh dear i think i've been watching too much of the big bang theory

Same here...

 

[julesverne]

oh yeah penny she is fit as ...........

 

[julesverne]

deffo in my top 5

 

[Leo21]

deffo in my top 5

Of girls on channel 5 yes

 

[julesverne]

not channel 5 E4HD

 

[Barry98]

The health and safety one made me fall off sofa lmfao

 

[SafeGasInstall]

I swear I was thinking of Denmark elephant and grey ..... How is this posible

 

[Leo21]

I swear I was thinking of Denmark elephant and grey ..... How is this posible

Your a closet gay boy?

 

[SafeGasInstall]

No, I am not !!! But can not understand how it's posible to be

 

[Leo21]

How many countries begin with "d"

 

[SafeGasInstall]

Well done Leo

 

[Plum Bob 66]

Deutschland ?

 

[SafeGasInstall]

Deutschland ?

That is not English

 

[Plum Bob 66]

That is not English

No, it's German.....

 

[Plum Bob 66]

Dominican Republic, had to think about it though

 

[Dotty]

I had Djibouti, Jackal and Sand..........

 

[Plum Bob 66]

I had Djibouti, Jackal and Sand..........

Of course you did...

 

[Dotty]

Of course you did...

I don't think normally......

plus i'd just read something in a book about Djibouti which helped!

 

[Dotty]

A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69."

She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."

They go into the bedroom, and are 69ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.

She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."

He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."

The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."

 

[Dotty]

I tried that switching off then back on again thing today.

But it didn't work.

The doctors seem to think I've probably made my wife's condition worse.

 

[Dotty]

"Sit down, we need to talk," I said to my wife. "I've been doing a lot of thinking."

"You're scaring me, John!" she said, worriedly.

Then I remembered I was wearing my werewolf mask.

 

[Dotty]

My wife hasn't wanted sex for over a year," complained my friend down the pub.

"That's just not true, mate," I replied without thinking.

 

[Dotty]

My parents were upset when I brought home my black girlfriend.

They've got old fashioned beliefs.

They believe I should be faithful to my wife.....

 

[Plum Bob 66]

I don't think normally......

plus i'd just read something in a book about Djibouti which helped!

That explains it .....

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

SLEEPING WITH MICK:

The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Mick, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Mick and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Mick snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Mick shakes the roof with his snoring.

I just watched him all night."

The third night was Bill's turn. He was a tanned, older biker, a man's man…

The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it.

They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed.
I went and tucked Mick into bed, patted him on the arse and kissed him good night on the lips.

Mick sat up and watched me all night."

With age comes wisdom.