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Agony Uncle

  • Thread starter Thread starter tamz
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Irish said:
Croppie do you have proof of this?? Otherwise this could be considered slander I think the said photos should be displayed
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Picture was deleted in blind panic as Mrs Croppie was sitting next to me at the time....
 
open-for-business.jpg
Thats me done my good deed for the day. Where was i?
 
gas man said:
dear uncle tam,
there is a bloke on the forum who may be inbred with a flipper and a tail,hes from devon, is he a poor soul or a lucky ******* with all this torrential flooding
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I'm afraid he may be beyond my help and he's fkd if he is depending on those environmental guys who think they look cool in a yella jaiket.
Stick a pound in your nearest RNLI box to help fund further research into this deliberating condition.
 
Killy Bing said:
Dear tamz, if you had slept with a forum members daughter, who is based in the derby area.

Said daughter has asked you to go up and stay with her.
would you risk it or break contact.....
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Billy Billy Billy. What can i say! Yer a selfish bstrd. I'd have scouted her out for you. Anyway you've dug yer hole so lie in it.
It is the mother you need to win over. A wee bunch of flowers from the garage when you knock the door should save (or delay) you getting a kicking.
Get in there.
 
APPlumbing said:
Dear uncle Tamz,

id like to watch boxing tonight on sky sports but my mrs wants to watch some sort of ice dancing, opera singing celebrity ****e instead. How do I get to watch the boxing and still have a chance of abit of loving later?

thanks in advance!
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This is all about tactics and timing.
Start a bit love talk maybe 30 minutes or so before the fight comes on then run her a bath with some candles around, a bit soft music, a wee glass of wine and throw some of that smelly stuff she likes in there.
Take her by the hand with about 2 minutes to go and tell her to relax.
Hopefully it will be a quick knockout becauser this is a short term thing.
 
Ermintrude said:
Dear uncle tams.

I'm worried about billy. He's obsessed with tools . Think he has probably had a 'special' time with a milwaukiee pipe expander, whilst wearing a red heated cot and using an m18 inspection camera to perform a self inflicted colonoscopy? 🙁 just worried about the face painted wee man!
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Billy is just a young boy so obviously he is obsessed with tools. At that age i know i was. I couldn't keep my hand off it.
As far as the pipe expanders go he will learn to axcept what he has got which is easier once he finds the love of his life (maybe not in Derby) and she accepts it.

Billy can i borrow yer inspection camera :wink:
 
croppie said:
Dear Uncle Tamz,

A short arsed forum member keeps sending me pics of a young lady with her baps out. I'm suddenly worried she might live in Derby...........
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Many a nice tit in Derby. I won't hold that against him :smile:
 
tamz said:
Billy is just a young boy so obviously he is obsessed with tools. At that age i know i was. I couldn't keep my hand off it.
As far as the pipe expanders go he will learn to axcept what he has got which is easier once he finds the love of his life (maybe not in Derby) and she accepts it.

Billy can i borrow yer inspection camera :wink:
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M18 was battery size not camera girth think it's about m42?
 
Dear Uncle Tamz, why is the government sending the army to the somerset floods, surely the Navy would do better? 🙂
 
lame plumber said:
Dear Uncle Tamz, why is the government sending the army to the somerset floods, surely the Navy would do better? 🙂
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I agree with you. They should have had the navy running up and down those flooded streets and fields testing out their boats shallow water capabilities and shooting some stranded cows with the big guns.
A total wasted opertunity. Did you really expect more from the government. They couldn't run a raffle.
 
dear uncle tam pork chop aka kyle is a well rounded individual but also a cock how can we improve his attitude and stop him being a fat *******
 
gas man said:
dear uncle tam pork chop aka kyle is a well rounded individual but also a cock how can we improve his attitude and stop him being a fat *******
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is it a lack of issue, hormone build up, teenage thing all the usal things and more, should we have a collection to get him attended to by a local lass
 
would probably have to send her along with picture instruction manual though 🙂
 
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