B
Barry98
FAO all men
-
We recommend uHeat for Underfloor Heating Systems, and The Wetroom Store for all things bathrooms and wetrooms. They provide discounts for forum members.
Welcome to the forum. Although you can post in any forum, the USA forum is here in case of local regs or laws
- Status
FAO all men
D
Dotty
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.'
So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.
The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'
The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet maan!'
A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.'
So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.
The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'
The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet maan!'
D
Dotty
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny.. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive now if it wasnt for that bugger of an ice cream man!"
:bigcry:
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny.. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive now if it wasnt for that bugger of an ice cream man!"
:bigcry:
D
Dotty
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
lolol
lolol
P
PlumbBobBob
B
Billy Bob Bob
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Was in the pub the other night and a big fat ugly drunk bird came up and said "hi, you're sexy , can I have your phone number ?"
I said "have you got a pen ?"
"yes" she said.
i said "well f**k off back to it before the farmer realises you've escaped"
Was in the pub the other night and a big fat ugly drunk bird came up and said "hi, you're sexy , can I have your phone number ?"
I said "have you got a pen ?"
"yes" she said.
i said "well f**k off back to it before the farmer realises you've escaped"
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
[TABLE="width: 100%"]
[TR]
[TD]Prince Harry has blamed his antics on..........
A broken home, family living off taxpayers, growing up on estates and time spent in institutions[/TD]
[TD="width: 95px, align: right"][/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
[TABLE="width: 100%"]
[TR]
[TD]Prince Harry has blamed his antics on..........
A broken home, family living off taxpayers, growing up on estates and time spent in institutions[/TD]
[TD="width: 95px, align: right"][/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
I was watching the women's hockey with my girlfriend and started taking the **** when they only got bronze."There's nothing wrong with bronze" she mocked "It's nothing to be ashamed of at all!"Yet when I told her later that she's the third best girlfriend I've had, she went f**king mental
I was watching the women's hockey with my girlfriend and started taking the **** when they only got bronze."There's nothing wrong with bronze" she mocked "It's nothing to be ashamed of at all!"Yet when I told her later that she's the third best girlfriend I've had, she went f**king mental
B
Billy Bob Bob
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son...
He gives the young boy 3 pennys to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face...
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennys and starts slapping
him on the back..
The boy coughs up 2 of the pennys, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business
suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of
coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup
down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up
from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the
boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then
ever so firmly...After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and
coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free
hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the penny to the father
and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word..
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father
rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
"No" the woman replied. "I'm with the Inland Revenue ".
__________________
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son...
He gives the young boy 3 pennys to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face...
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennys and starts slapping
him on the back..
The boy coughs up 2 of the pennys, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business
suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of
coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup
down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up
from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the
boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then
ever so firmly...After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and
coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free
hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the penny to the father
and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word..
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father
rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
"No" the woman replied. "I'm with the Inland Revenue ".
__________________
B
Billy Bob Bob
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
"its a boy" ," its a boy" i shouted "a boy i dont believe it,its a boy" and with tears streaming down my face i swore.....id never visit another thai brothel.
"its a boy" ," its a boy" i shouted "a boy i dont believe it,its a boy" and with tears streaming down my face i swore.....id never visit another thai brothel.
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
HRH prince harry, has blamed his antics on.....
coming from a broken home, living off the tax payer and a life time living on estates.
HRH prince harry, has blamed his antics on.....
coming from a broken home, living off the tax payer and a life time living on estates.
B
Barry98
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Oops I suppose I could use my blue powers , but do I use them for good or evil delete his or delete mine hmmmmmmm
Oops I suppose I could use my blue powers , but do I use them for good or evil delete his or delete mine hmmmmmmm
M
mountainman
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:
It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least 3000 years old
The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols.
They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.
The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said:
"This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem.
You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.
The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."
Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea.
The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.
The audience applauded enthusiastically.
Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said,
"Idiots...Hebrew is read from right to left... It says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig The bum On That Chick"
Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:
It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least 3000 years old
The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols.
They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.
The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said:
"This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem.
You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.
The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."
Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea.
The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.
The audience applauded enthusiastically.
Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said,
"Idiots...Hebrew is read from right to left... It says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig The bum On That Chick"
D
dontknowitall
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Spot of googling found the images - good one, Mountainman!!
Spot of googling found the images - good one, Mountainman!!
M
Masood
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
Not Monday, but someone sent me this link...
Old Dykes I Have Known: A History of the North Level Part of the Great Level of the Fens
More amusingly named books here:
http://www.booksgalore.co.za/Fun.aspx
Not Monday, but someone sent me this link...
Old Dykes I Have Known: A History of the North Level Part of the Great Level of the Fens
More amusingly named books here:
http://www.booksgalore.co.za/Fun.aspx
As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.
D
Dotty
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
"Aw crap!...," says his friend, "and I just joined Rotary.!"
Two guys are drinking in a bar.
One says: "Did you know that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour
[TABLE="width: 100%"]
[TR]
[TD]They say the best way to get a girl is to mimic her body language and actions. I tried it out on a girl at the pub but she just slapped me and ran away crying.
I don't know what went wrong, I thought I got her stutter down to a tee.[/TD]
[TD="width: 95px, align: right"][/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
[TABLE="width: 100%"]
[TR]
[TD]They say the best way to get a girl is to mimic her body language and actions. I tried it out on a girl at the pub but she just slapped me and ran away crying.
I don't know what went wrong, I thought I got her stutter down to a tee.[/TD]
[TD="width: 95px, align: right"][/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
- Status
Similar plumbing topics
- Worcester Boiler broken
- Boiler Advice Forum
We recommend City Plumbing Supplies, BES, and Plumbing Superstore for all plumbing supplies.
