a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[kay-jay]

a teacher asks his pupils "can anyone tell me the difference between constructive criticism and unnecessary nastiness?"
little johnny puts his hand up " one is the process of offering valid and well reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negetive comments"
"very good johnny," says the teacher." "and the other?"
"your mums a c un t"

 

[villa_tom]

I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

I posted that the other day you joke thief.

 

[Howsie]

I posted that the other day you joke thief.

It was that good I thought it needed resurrecting!

 

[kay-jay]

It was that good I thought it needed resurrecting!

You thought wrong....

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[kay-jay]

NUDE SANTA -----

Scroll down to see the nude Santa

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For crying out loud. Act your age. There is no Santa!!!

 

[kay-jay]

 

[SafeGasInstall]

true true

 

[Leo21]

Sorry, what else is in the picture.

 

[Dotty]

nope. still cant see it!

 

[chris watkins]

See what ?

I am completely focussed on the two brown things in the foreground.

 

[kay-jay]

See what ?

I am completely focussed on the two brown things in the foreground.

Ok you admire the fabric and ill keep on admiring what the fabric is trying to cover

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[chris watkins]

Ok you admire the fabric and ill keep on admiring what the fabric is trying to cover

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Fabric, what fabric ! What do you take me for, some sort of dirty old man ?

I could not stop looking into those loverly brown eyes!!

 

[kay-jay]

Fabric, what fabric ! What do you take me for, some sort of dirty old man ?

I could not stop looking into those loverly brown eyes!!

Oh she has eyes? Can't say i noticed

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[Dotty]

Oh she has eyes? Can't say i noticed

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Eyes? I didn't even know she had a head!

 

[SafeGasInstall]

that is a real true plumbers attitude ......keep it that way lads

 

[Barry98]

Creased me up

 

[Dotty]

I found another grey pubic hair today.

Normally things like that don't bother me but this was in my kebab.............

 

[Kyle87]

A woman is having an affair when her son comes home unexpectedly. The boy hides in the closet to watch. The husband then also comes home. The woman puts the lover in the closet to hide not knowing the son is in there

Boy- dark in here
Lover- yes it is
Boy-I have a baseball
Lover-that's nice
Boy-want to buy it?
Lover-no thanks
Boy-my dads outside
Lover-ok how much
Boy-£250

A few weeks later it happens again both boy and lover in the closet..

Boy-dark in here
Lover-yes it is
Boy-I have a baseball mitt
Lover-that's nice
Boy-want to buy it
Lover-no thanks
Boy-my dads outside
Lover-how much
Boy-£750

A few days later the boys dad asks him if he wants to play catch with his baseball and mitt. I can't play as I sold them dad he replies. How much for asks the dad. £1000 says the boy. That's terrible exploiting your friends like that. I'm taking you to confession.

So the boy is taken to the chapel and ushered into the confession booth by his father. The boy sits down after shutting the door.

Boy-dark in here
Priest-don't start with me in here you little sh*#!!

 

[Barry98]

mrs just informed me ,doctors orders no intercourse for 2 weeks , gave her a peck on the cheek and cuddle said no problem dear then whispered in her ear what did the dentist say

 

[Barry98]

 

[Howsie]

FOX headline: Guns to be made illegal in the US.Suit yourself, America.

But you'll be sorry when the Clay Pigeon's attack.

 

[Howsie]

I can usually judge how attractive a woman is by how many times my wife calls her a *****.

 

[stevetheplumber]

I can usually judge how attractive a woman is by how many times my wife calls her a *****.

aint that the truth

 

[Leo21]

aint that the truth

Funny bit is how they slate how there dressed, which gives you more opportunity to perve and nod in agreement at the same time.

 

[Howsie]