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Against her Mothers wishe's a young Jewish girl run's off and marrie's a man the Mother knows nothing about..Mum I need your advice I need to tell him it's over all he want's to do is shag me up the rse when we first met my bum hole was the size of a five pence piece now it's the size of a fifty pence piece..so they set off and arrive at this splendid 12 bedroomed mansion with a large swimming pool and a Bentley and a Ferrari on the drive the Mother look's at her daughter and say's ..so explain to me why would you give all this up for the sake of forty five pence?....regards turnpin:smile:
T
TomLane
Funny & true!
R
Resolute
I've written a book called "101 ways to revive the high street", it's available for download only from Monday!
B
Billy Bob Bob
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.
The daughter said to her mother,
'My hands are freezing cold.'
The mother replied,
'Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up.'
The daughter did and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,
'My hands are freezing cold.'
The girl replied,
'Put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up.'
He did and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.
He said,
'My nose is cold.'
The girl replied
'Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up.'
He did and warmed his nose.
The day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said,
'My ***** is frozen solid.'
The next day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again,
and she asks,
'Have you ever heard of a *****?'
Concerned the mother said,
'Why yes, why do you ask?'
The daughter replies,
'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they!'
The daughter said to her mother,
'My hands are freezing cold.'
The mother replied,
'Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up.'
The daughter did and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,
'My hands are freezing cold.'
The girl replied,
'Put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up.'
He did and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.
He said,
'My nose is cold.'
The girl replied
'Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up.'
He did and warmed his nose.
The day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said,
'My ***** is frozen solid.'
The next day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again,
and she asks,
'Have you ever heard of a *****?'
Concerned the mother said,
'Why yes, why do you ask?'
The daughter replies,
'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they!'
B
Barry98
That's better
B
Barry98
Never a truer word spoken
B
Barry98
Tescos again
B
Billy Bob Bob
R
Ray Stafford
Can you imagine that driver, phoning back to the depot?
"Really sorry boss, but you're going to laugh when you hear this..."
D
Dotty
D
Dotty
Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a french maids outfit, and a police womans uniform, he finally decided...........
If she can't hold down a job, she's not for him.
If she can't hold down a job, she's not for him.
D
Dotty
Police came round to my house today, and told me that my dog was chasing someone on a bike.
I told them it cant be my dog, as he doesn't even have a bike.
I told them it cant be my dog, as he doesn't even have a bike.
Paddy Jock and Bill go to a brothel for the first time to find out about this oral sex speciallity being offered... Bill went in first after a few minutes he appears with a big smile on his chops..that was great she poured on some single cream and licked it all off ...in went Jock he appeared with an even bigger smile awesome he said on went the cream and a couple of grapes she nibbled off the grapes and licked off the cream I was in heaven...in went Paddy after a couple of minutes an ear splitting scream was heard Bill and Jock rushed into the room to find Paddy lying on the bed covered in blood Jesus Paddy what happened with tears in his eyes he said
Better late than never as my Mrs always says regards turnpin:rofl:
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