a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[Howsie]

And then this http://m.wimp.com/goatedition/

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

[FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]The south African government has announced that Oscar Pistorious is to get the electric chair. Don't know about you, but i thought he was dangerous enough with stilts, what the hell is he going to be like with a mobility scooter?[/FONT]

 

[Ray Stafford]

No steak this evening so I'm on here instead...

Very funny think: https://www.youtube.com/embed/PpccpglnNf0

And then this Taylor Swift's "I Knew You Were Trouble" goat edition. [VIDEO]

I'm starting to worry about you Howsie. Have you been drinking ferroquest again?

 

[Howsie]

Absinthe. :-/

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

I'm starting to worry about you Howsie. Have you been drinking ferroquest again?

good for clearing things out,and instant death apparently

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

snigger

 

[Leo21]

Brilliant

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

ESSEX HURRICANE APPEAL !!!

A hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Wednesday with its epicentre in Basildon. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

The hurricane decimated the area causing almost £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Giros arrived.

Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon . One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Special Brew to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Ratners and Bone China from the Pound shop.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White stilettos
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:
Microwave meals
Tins of baked beans
KFC
Ice cream
Cans of Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of nine
£5 buys **** and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**BREAKING NEWS**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop and were worried she had been badly cut...
"Where are you bleeding from?" they asked,
"Romford" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?"

 

[kay-jay]

workers in belfast....

 

[Howsie]

What am I missing?

 

[Ray Stafford]

What am I missing?

Took me a minute too. After they have loaded the tools that they used to fit the bollards - how are they getting the van out?

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

What am I missing?

van has been built in

 

[TomLane]

What am I missing?

The bollards are surrounding the van after they've installed them & no way of getting the van out!

 

[Howsie]

That'll squeeze through the corner surely?

 

[TomLane]

That'll squeeze through the corner surely?

Top left? Looks like another post of some sort?!

 

[Dotty]

If memory serves right them boys were from pattons who have since gone under.....

 

[Howsie]

That'll go through the bottom two easy.

 

[Centralheatking]

thanks Ray I never got it at all

Took me a minute too. After they have loaded the tools that they used to fit the bollards - how are they getting the van out?

 

[kay-jay]

Would have loved to see their faces when the penny dropped....

 

[Centralheatking]

So Mr Cropp do you all plumb yourselves into a situation with two fixed ends in your lovely country - as the road men have done

If memory serves right them boys were from pattons who have since gone under.....

 

[kay-jay]

That'll go through the bottom two easy.

Doubt it. The idea of the bollards is to keep vehicles out. Therefore keeping them in...

 

[Howsie]

I'd lay money on it.

 

[kay-jay]

You'd lose

 

[Howsie]

I can assure you it would.

 

[TomLane]

I guess its a bit like the barriers on the central reservation on a motorway, they're supposed to stop cars from passing over to the opposite carriageway but hit them at the right speed or angle & you're over no problem!!