a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[Plumbstar Tom]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

When the Mrs left I was sad, upset & lonely..!!!

Since then, I've got a maid,
bought a new bike, screwed 2 prostitutes & blown a grand on hard drink & cocaine...

She'll go nuts when she gets home from work.

 

[GQuigley67]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

My girlfriend texted me the other day asking where I was.

I replied-" you know that jewellery shop that had that nice necklace you wanted?"

"I remember ♥"

"I'm in the pub next door"

 

[SimonG]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

'One mans rubbish is another mans treasure'

Not a good way to tell somebody that they're adopted!

 

[Resolute]

A nagging wife is like a dripping tap... Until the plumber comes round and fixes it.

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

They've set a very tough Bushtucker trial tonight on "I'm a Celebraty get me Out of Here" A Kangeroo has to eat one of Fatima Whitbreads ********.

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

bullocks...

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Injury and Accident insurance claim adverts are a load of crap.
When next doors daughter cut herself on our fence they told me to take some pictures of her gash, now i'm the one who ends up in court!

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY ON XMAS DAY !! AND GET AWAY WITH

01. Talk about a huge breast!
02. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. ...
03. It's Cool Whip time!
04. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
05. That's one terrific spread!
06. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
07. Are you ready for seconds yet?
08. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
09. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!​

 

[dontknowitall]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

18. Do you want to pull my cracker?

 

[kay-jay]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

anybody hungry?

 

[Guest123]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

A burger bum? Bit different than a burger bun. Mind you, we are what you eat.

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

A burger bum? Bit different than a burger bun. Mind you, we are what you eat.

id starve rather then eat that

 

[kay-jay]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

i like the way they smeared grease on her bum to stick some sesame seeds on lol.

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

i like the way they smeared grease on her bum to stick some sesame seeds on lol.

you like ? you like ? so thats what you lot over the otherside of the hill like isit.

 

[GQuigley67]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

have you seen the homer simspon oone ??? dont think i'd be allowed to post a pic up but here is a link

Naked Body That Looks Like Homer Simpson | Happy Place

 

[kay-jay]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

you like ? you like ? so thats what you lot over the otherside of the hill like isit.

yes we just love watching yorkshire lasses with burgers hanging out their asses.

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

yes we just love watching yorkshire lasses with burgers hanging out their asses.

oooo its getting rather personal today int it lol

 

[Resolute]

Brings a new meaning to "show us ya kebab meat"!

 

[Guest123]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Thank gawd it's not flame grilled. She might have exploded if she had farted.

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[h=6]Three Parrots for sale, £100, £200 & £15. A woman asks "why is that parrot so cheap?" the shopkeeper replies "because it used to live in a brothel".
The woman thinks its funny & buys the parrot. When she gets home the parrot says "feck me a new brothel" the woman laughs.
Her two daughters come home and parrot says "feck me new prostitutes" the girls laugh.
The husband comes home & the parrot says "feck me Keith, I havent seen you for weeks !!![/h]

 

[Resolute]

My girlfriends vagina smells of roses, but Rose's is tighter!

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

My wife and I went to bed early last night for a little... You know!

Anyway, she started to rub a lollipop on her ***** and slowly started inserting it. She got faster and faster till her hand was a blur..
Be careful I said, you got to use that to help the kids across the road in the morning!

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

I just phoned the police, "What your emergency?" they asked.
I said, "Two girls are fighting over me."
"So what's the problem?"
I said "The fat one's winning."

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Grab your taco, you've pulled a dyslexic Mexican.

 

[Resolute]

Ive just had an M&S ****..... This is not just a ****, this is a five-day matured, chicken vindaloo with garlic naan and eight bottles of Cobra ****