a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[Resolute]

I was food shopping with my wife when I came across something that was utterly shocking.

"Look at this!" I said. "It contains 95% fat!"

"You're just pointing at me in a mirror" she replied.

 

[Guest123]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Just got this PM.....

Tell him I'm not bloody fat, I'm just full of carbohydrates and yer dinner is in the bin.
Gone to mums.
Mrs Puddle

 

[Guest123]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Just got this PM.....

Tell him I'm not bloody fat, I'm just full of carbohydrates and yer dinner is in the bin.
Gone to mums.
Mrs Resolute

 

[Resolute]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Just got this PM.....

Tell him I'm not bloody fat, I'm just full of carbohydrates and yer dinner is in the bin.
Gone to mums.
Mrs Resolute

That'll explain why I had to cook dinner then!

 

[Guest123]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Apologies to Mrs Puddle though, posted in error, had a few too many wee drams....

 

[Resolute]

The Mrs said to me "You only want sex when your drunk!"

"Not true" I replied, "Sometimes I want a kebab".

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

LOOK NO HANDS

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

LOOK NO HANDS

cant see it bod mate

 

[REDSAW]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

The Mrs said to me "You only want sex when your drunk!"

"Not true" I replied, "Sometimes I want a kebab".

same thing?

 

[kay-jay]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Grandmother and her grandson went shopping at the Supermarket.

Grandma: "Diploma, give me the sugar. Diploma put down that packet of sweets."

Cashier: " is your grandson's name Diploma?

Grandma: "Yes."

Cashier: Why 'Diploma'?

Grandma: "Because I sent my daughter to college and this is what she brought back​

 

[kay-jay]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

it was so cold this morning even scotsmen put their hands in their pockets

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Sometimes,i put my hands on the floor, tuck my head towards my chest and lean forward.!!
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Cos that's how i roll baby

 

[Barry98]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

A government warning said that anyone travelling in icy or snowy conditions should pack a shovel,blanket or sleeping bag,
extra clothing including hat scarf and gloves,a supply of food and drink,torch with spare batteries,a tow rope,
rock salt,primus stove,spare petrol,first aid kit and jump leads.I looked a right prat on the bus this morning!.

 

[Mike Jackson]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

More bad news for the music industry.













Apparently Jedward have no plans to stop performing.

 

[Guest123]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

We all make mistakes, just make sure you NEVER get a hard of hearing nurse......

 

[Howsie]

Girlfriend sends a txt to her boyfriend..
If you are sleeping send me your dreams!
If you are laughing send me your smile!
If you are crying send me your tear drops!
..
Bloke responds:
I am having a ****, what do i do

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk

 

[Guest123]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Cameron came to Scotland and tried to appear cool and sympathetic to the locals by eating a bowl of porridge in a factory. Big Alex sent him homeward to think again......

 

[Guest123]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Just be careful what you send through the post, discretion is always advised.....

 

[fuzzy]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

how do you get a fat bird into bed?









piece of cake

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Wise words

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Sorry, Couldnt resist this...

 

[CES]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Novelty Condoms

 

[Billy Bob Bob]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

Sorry, Couldnt resist this...View attachment 5598

based on that theory.......

 

[mountainman]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

When asked if I preferred legs or breast.
I replied that I was particularly fond of shaven fannies.
The stranger then replied that this was not an option with a KFC Bargain Bucket.

 

[Guest123]

re: a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[h=6]BREAKING NEWS......

After the final eviction of Gypsy Travellers at Dale Farm, the Gypsy Travellers were offered a free alternative site at the car park adjacent to Ibrox Stadium.

Furious at the thought of having dirty thieving inbred, illiterate tax dodgers living right on their own doorstep, the Gypsy Travellers have turned down the offer.[/h]A Glasgow Rangers spokesman could be seen running like hell when asked to comment further.