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a monday pick me up contains adult humour

  • Thread starter Thread starter Barry98
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I took my wife to a disco at the weekend .There was a guy on the dance floor giving it everything he had; break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. Th wife said, " See that guy ? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down, " I said, "looks like like hes still f******g celebrating !"

a week too late! i posted this in #917 you thief
 
I said to the wife: " I have a problem.""Darling" she replied, "If you have a problem, then we have a problem. We're a married couple and we are in this together so we'll act as a unit. Don't ever forget that.""Oh thank you," I replied. "It appears We've got your sister pregnant."
 
Some women would be over the moon to be woken up on their birthday with a cooked breakfast a bunch of flowers and 20 minutes of oral sex................. But Oh no, not my f*****g sister!
 
Male cosmetic surgical enhancement.......the Glasgow method:
 

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Took this last week.....

uqa9uza6.jpg


That awkward moment when your trade counter runs out of fittings and you have to nip across the carpark to toolstation ......

Priceless🙂

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2
 
[h=5]A Doctor recently had a patient "drop" in on him for an unscheduled appointment. "What can I do for you today?" the Doctor asked.

The aged Gentleman replied, "Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly catch my breath... Doctor, I'm scared!"

The Doctor, looking at his 86 year old patient, said, "Mr. Smith, these sensations tend to happen over time, especially to a man of your advanced years, but tell me, when did you first notice these symptoms?"

The old gent replied, "Well... three times last night, and twice again this morning!"
[/h]
 
Just got a jimmy saville advent but its rubbish.

the flaps only open between 5 and 14
 
got stopped in the street today by a woman with a clipboard

" what products do i use for grooming?"

she was a bit taken back when i said

"Facebook"
 
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