a monday pick me up contains adult humour

[Kyle87]

Awesome gasman

 

[kay-jay]

I took my wife to a disco at the weekend .There was a guy on the dance floor giving it everything he had; break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. Th wife said, " See that guy ? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down, " I said, "looks like like hes still f******g celebrating !"

a week too late! i posted this in #917 you thief

 

[Kyle87]

I said to the wife: " I have a problem.""Darling" she replied, "If you have a problem, then we have a problem. We're a married couple and we are in this together so we'll act as a unit. Don't ever forget that.""Oh thank you," I replied. "It appears We've got your sister pregnant."

 

[Kyle87]

My doctor told me to avoid saturated fat.
So I stopped shagging my wife in the shower.

 

[Kyle87]

Some women would be over the moon to be woken up on their birthday with a cooked breakfast a bunch of flowers and 20 minutes of oral sex................. But Oh no, not my f*****g sister!

 

[Guest123]

Male cosmetic surgical enhancement.......the Glasgow method:

 

[Barry98]

Male cosmetic surgical enhancement.......the Glasgow method:

Did it fail again pal never mind

 

[Guest123]

Did it fail again pal never mind

No, it never fails. Heard you'd need a pallet of bricks fixed to a pair of tweezers just to get your party started.

 

[Barry98]

Maybe but it satisfy s me every time

 

[kay-jay]

never ape an ape!

Monkey With AK-47 Full video - YouTube

 

[kay-jay]

Took this last week.....

That awkward moment when your trade counter runs out of fittings and you have to nip across the carpark to toolstation ......

Priceless

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

 

[Dotty]

[h=5]A Doctor recently had a patient "drop" in on him for an unscheduled appointment. "What can I do for you today?" the Doctor asked.

The aged Gentleman replied, "Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly catch my breath... Doctor, I'm scared!"

The Doctor, looking at his 86 year old patient, said, "Mr. Smith, these sensations tend to happen over time, especially to a man of your advanced years, but tell me, when did you first notice these symptoms?"

The old gent replied, "Well... three times last night, and twice again this morning!"
[/h]

 

[julesverne]

Just got a jimmy saville advent but its rubbish.

the flaps only open between 5 and 14

 

[Leo21]

That's so wrong, when I stop wincing I'll press the my like button.

 

[Dotty]

I sniggered and looked round guiltily!

 

[julesverne]

got stopped in the street today by a woman with a clipboard

" what products do i use for grooming?"

she was a bit taken back when i said

"Facebook"

 

[kay-jay]

posted this elsewhere but i thought it deserved a spot here....

 

[Barry98]

If this offends anyone pm me and I will remove it

 

[dancinplumba]

lol no, a mate just posted it on fb

 

[Leo21]

It's just not realistic, the queen has a driver.

 

[Barry98]

Hmmmm

 

[Dotty]

If this offends anyone pm me and I will remove it

Did you just steal that from me?

Lol

 

[Barry98]

I thought we shared ?

 

[Dotty]

I thought we shared ?

We did, until you invited Jules in to make it a menage-á-lots!

 

[Barry98]

Moment of weakness won't happen again lol